Growing Into You (First Draft; Unedited)

xxiii.

Jayen

It was starting to rain heavier as I pulled away from Aoife. She was looking at me like I was the world, I still wasn’t sure how I felt. Whatever I felt for Aoife was gone, if there was anything there. Maybe it was just a platonic crush or something. . . Maybe I just. . . I don’t know.

“Jayen. . .” Aoife let go of me completely. “You don’t feel the same way do you?”

“I’m sorry.” I dropped my eyes.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She stepped away. “I would rather know now then find out later. But I do want you to know that I love you. I can love you as just a friend too.”

“Really? This won’t change anything?” I asked hopefully.

“Really. I’ll just. . . some time away from you-- I’m sorry that sounded so rude. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Me neither.” I confessed. “It’s okay.”

I lifted up my head. I saw someone duck into the doorway but I couldn’t see who it was. It was probably Maj, she was always everywhere. I raised my hand to keep the rain out of my eyes. We should probably get inside. I picked up the sword and sheathed it. My hands were still shaking. . . whether that was from Aoife or Lady Dupon was unsure.

“I’ll. . . see you inside. . .” 

Aoife walked away and I waited for her to turn out of my sight before following her in. I was feeling a lot better from this morning, I felt so better then I had in years. Whatever was in the potion was amazing. 

I can’t believe I had almost forgotten about my promise to myself. Maybe I just pushed it away on purpose. Whatever the reason was, I was finally going to duel him. I could set up my own stakes. I would have to negotiate with him though. I shook my head. Negotiating with Jinan would be difficult.

Would I have to sleep somewhere else? Where would I sleep? Maybe a guest room. I would have to ask Lady Dupon though. I walked inside of the mansion. It was quiet. There was no sign of whoever was standing here a few moments ago. I sighed and continued through the house.

“Jayen!” Kuna called out. I looked to my right to see Kuna jogging at me, they were certainly not athletic with the weird movements they had.

“What’s up?” I waved at them, keeping my voice confident and even.

“Aoife told me to ask you if you want the room.” Kuna seemed confused.

I shook my head. “Tell her she can keep it, I’ll sleep somewhere else.”

Kuna threw their head back and groaned. “I hate being a messenger pigeon.”

I laughed as they turned on the heel and repeated their weird jog again. They have to know how weird they look. All elbows and knees moving erratically. 

I guess that’s settled though I guess I should go talk to the lady about finding somewhere else to sleep. I walked through the hallways to the main staircase. I hope things aren’t awkward after our almost kiss. If that’s what it was. I feel like more has happened today than had ever happened today.

I wasn’t scared of Jinan anymore. Okay, maybe a little bit but I was confident enough and strong enough to challenge him to a duel. Even if I hadn’t challenged him yet.

I sparred with the lady. . . Do I even have to explain that one?

Aoife kissed me. 

I shook my head. I was almost at the library and the patter of rain against the windows was getting louder and the hallways were getting darker. I love the rain. 

I stopped before entering the library and took a deep breath. When I walked into the room she had her jacket thrown over the back of the chair along with her sword. She was sitting on the chair with the same green book. She didn’t look up as I walked into the room.

“You can just leave my sword there.” She turned a page.

I unbuckled the belt and put it on the nearest table. Did I cross a line or am I just imagining a coldness from her? I stood there, getting ready to ask her about changing rooms temporarily. . . what I could stay with her?

“What do you want?” She looked up at me through her eyelashes.

I was taken aback by her harsher tone. “I’m sorry. . . I um, I need a new room to stay in. Just temporarily.”

She looked up at me. “Why? Can’t you just stay with the red head?”

“Aoife.”

“Whatever.”

“And no, I can’t.” I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “Something. . . happened. I don’t think she wants me to talk about it.” I don’t want to talk about it to be honest.

“Hm.” She put her book down and crossed her legs. “And where do you plan to stay? With me?” She said it like she was proving a point.

“. . . Or a guest room.”

Lady Dupon’s cheeks turned a little pink, maybe that was just in my head. She cleared her throat.

“You stay wherever.” She stood up. “Are you feeling okay? You look. . . a little nervous. A little pale.”

I was nervous but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “I am starting to feel a little uneasy. . .”

The lady’s tone and posture immediately changed. She walked over to me and put her wrist to my forehead, still wearing her gloves. 

“You do feel a little cold. I fear you were out in the rain a little too long.” She frowned. “Let’s get you some warm and dry clothes, you will stay with me.”

I nodded. Staying with the lady? I felt my stomach start up it’s usual gymnastics. “Of course, my lady.”

I followed out of the library and into her room, just like earlier. I hadn’t even noticed how soaked I was. My shirt was sticking to my skin and was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

When we got to her room she opened up the curtain. I watched the raindrops land and roll down the window as she grabbed out a pair of clothes for me to change into.

“You don’t have to, I can change into my own clothes,” I said.

“No, I insist.” She put a thick black nightgown over my arms. “Do you want help?”

My face immediately heated up. “What?” 

“Do you want help changing? This fabric really latches onto skin when wet.” She tilted her head. “What did you think I meant?”

“Oh um. . . yes please.” I nodded. 

She grabbed me lightly by the bottom of the shirt and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me towards her. She unbuttoned the first three buttons quickly with one hand, keeping the other where it was. I slide off one shoulder when she stopped me. She stood up and ran her hand over my Mark. I didn’t even think about that.

“Jayen. . .” 

I shrugged her off. “I think I can change on my own now.” My face was bright red and I couldn’t make eye contact with her.

“Of course. I’ll be on the other side of that door.”