A Bump In Our Road

23

Everyone had went to bed except for me. I laid in bed on my side, staring at the wall. It hurt that Kameron "lost track of time", when I know he was with her. But, he and I weren't together. I wasn't his and he wasn't mine. Seems like everything between us is one sided, well no more. Kameron is going to get the exact same motivation and energy that he puts out.

Kameron is replaceable. At least in my field, not my baby's. He will always be my baby's father and he won't ever be replaced in that spectrum. However, for me. He is not permanent, just like I'm not permanent for him.

There was a small knock on my door which caused me to sit up. Very slowly, this pregnancy has cause me to move slow mostly because of the weight in my belly. The door opened slowly and it was Kameron. Speak of the devil.

"Can I come in?", he asks.

"You already opened the door.", I shoot slightly.

He lets out a sigh before walking in and closing the door then making his way over to me.

"Amelia, I'm sorry.", he begins but I raise my hand and stop him.

"I've heard that way too many times. I'm tired, Kameron. I'm tired of being your little toy that you think you can just play with. I came here so that we can work things out as parents for our baby. It seems as though you aren't ready. You are not ready to be a parent, a father. My baby and I are not pawns in your game of house.", I say harshly.

I wanted to apologize but the words continued to leave my mouth.

"You have a big talk on social media about how you are ready for this baby and how you are ready to be a father but in all honesty you're not. You're still a child yourself. I'm not asking you to marry me or to make us something but when you act the way you do, I can't help but want it. Yes, I want our baby to have parents who are happy together but I need to be happy. Me. Don't act the way you do when we are alone and then completely turn into someone else when we are in public.", I continue.

Kameron stares at me with a shocked expression.

"I get it. This is not my life style. I'm not meant to be in this life style, I know. Yes, I am insecure about the way I look and yes I get jealous but that's because you make me feel like I'm yours when I'm not. You are replaceable, Kameron. You have to know that. You are replaceable. I'm not obligated to stay here with you. I can take care of this baby on my own without you or any other man.", I say.

Kameron nods.

"I know. I'm sorry, I-I.", Kameron stops. "I'm scared, Amy. I'm fucking terrified about everything. You and the baby, I don't know how to do this. Sure, I've been engaged but we were still young and figuring things out. We're having a baby, Amy. For the rest of our lives we have to parent a child and I have no clue what to do. I don't want to ruin our baby.", Kameron says.

He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed.

"You think I do? You think I know how to be a mother? How to parent? We are both learning here, Kameron. Together we have to figure out how we want to raise our baby. Don't you think I'm scared of a relationship too? Of commitment? Because I am. But being a parent means that we push our fears aside for our child. Every single choice we make is for the baby. Every choice will affect our child. I'm terrified too but I'm doing everything I can.", I explain.

It was true. I am scared of being a parent, being a partner.

"You're right. I'm not ready to be a parent or a partner.", Kameron says.

What did that mean?

"Is anyone ever really ready?", Kameron asks.

I shake my head. Kameron reaches over and places his hand on my belly.

"I'm an asshole. Our relationship is rocky and I don't help. When we first met I wanted you, to be with you, and then after the whole pregnancy announcement thing and trying to get over this feeling I have inside me, I don't know.", Kameron tries to explain.

"You still don't believe that it's yours.", I say.

Kameron looks at me.

"You said it didn't matter. You said that if it was yours or not that you would be here. This baby is yours and I have no idea why we keep delaying the test. Tomorrow, Kameron. In the morning we are setting up a meeting with the lady and by the next day or so you will know. No more stalling. The sooner you know for one thousand percent, the sooner this on and off switch with you ends.", I say.

"I know what I said. It's just hard to really feel certain with that answer. Loving a child so deeply like my own to find out it is not mine will crush me.", Kameron says.

"But this baby is yours. I have never lied to you, why would I lie about this?", I ask.

Kameron stays quiet.

"Tomorrow we will act happy. We will act like a happy couple for your family, for the media, but I don't know what will happen with us. Even after you know the truth.", I say.

Kameron nods.

"Yeah.", Kameron says, getting up and walking out of the room.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day.