warning! this imagine talks about body image struggles, slight mention of eating disorders and stuff relating to those subjects. if these trigger you, this chapter is not for u :)
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J E A L O U S Y, J E A L O U S Y "i'm the luckiest guy on earth, because you chose me."
—
SWIPING THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA, I can't help but compare myself to other girls on the internet.
I don't look like them. And I will never look like them. I'm not as slim as Kendall Jenner, I don't have a perfectly symmetrical face like other girls. I'm not breathtakingly gorgeous—I'm just... me.
All I see are girls to good to be true with paper white teeth and perfect bodies, and I can't help but want to throw my phone across the room. I wish I didn't care, but I can't let it go.
I turn off my phone and walk over to the mirror. Do I like what I see? No. Not even a little. I'd kill to look like other girls on social media.
I can't help but pick apart my body piece by piece.
It's an awful state of mind, really. It sucks. It feels like I'm stuck in a spiral—of hating myself and knowing that I will never get to change the way I look. I've tried to, trust me. The diets and workouts did not go so well.
Drew was there to help me through it. All of it. Every setback, every improvement. He's perfect, and I love him so much, but I always wonder why he's with me. Why me? He could pull any girl he wanted, but he chose me. I'm not as pretty as friends that he could date. Yet, I'm still the one he chose.
Social media has a negative impact on me, and I've been telling myself to delete social media to improve my mental health, but I can't bring myself to delete it.
I start to feel choked up when I start comparing myself to others. It's killing me slowly. I'm so sick of myself. I'd rather be anyone else.
"Y/n, dinners here!" Drew calls out from the kitchen, and his voice startles me. I quickly wipe the tears away that slipped down my cheek when I hear him coming into our bedroom.
"Hey, uh the foods here." He repeated, pointing to the kitchen behind with his thumb. We ordered in food tonight, as we were both too exhausted from work to cook.
"Thanks but, I'm not hungry." I mumble, before walking past him and into the living room. I plop down on the couch when Drew turns around with his eyebrows furrowed in all sorts of confusion.
"Are you okay?" He hesitates before asking. I nod, picking up my phone and scrolling through Instagram. The first thing I see is a picture of a girl in a bikini—she looks perfect. I immediately turn my phone off as my breath hitches.
"Darling—"
"I said I'm fine, Drew!" I snap, rolling my eyes before resting my face in my hands. I feel bad for raising my voice. I feel bad for taking my jealousy out on him.
I don't have to look up to know that he kneeled in front of me. He's so patient with me, which makes him so kind. I already know he knows what's happening. I don't have to explain myself.
The tears start spilling down my cheeks. I can't hold it in anymore, and I break down crying with my head in my hands. It doesn't take seconds to have Drew prying my hands away from my face.
As soon as he does so, my red swollen eyes on display for him, he pulls me into a hug. I gladly accept, practically crawling into his lap in a mere few seconds.
I just sob into Drew's shoulder, while he holds me tight and rubs my back.
"I'm sorry," my cry muffled against him, he immediately shushes me.
"Hey, hey, there is nothing to be sorry for. It's okay. I'm here. Don't be sorry for having emotions." He assures me, before kissing my forehead.
"You're beautiful, regardless of what you think. I want you to know that. I need you to know that. I love you so incredibly much."
I sniffle weakly into his shoulder, "but why me?" I ask, before letting out another sob.
"Y/n, you are literally the most attractive girl on the planet. You're gorgeous, hilarious, kind, loving, fun. Every fucking thing about you is perfect. I'm the luckiest guy on earth because you chose me. you're in love with me, and i have no idea why. I love you darling, don't ever forget that." His voice is soft in your ear, unintentionally making you feel stupid for crying.
"I love you more." You say, before pulling away and flashing a weak smile at him.
"There's that smile." He smiles himself, causing you to weakly chuckle. Holding your face in his hands, he pulls you in for a kiss so soft and loving.
AUTHOR SPEAKING !! PSA: EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL! no matter ur weight, height, size, shape, whatever it is—ur absolutely stunning. i know it's easier said than done, and it's something i'm working on myself, but we need to learn to accept our bodies and our features instead of hating them and wanting to change them. anyways, i love u all!<3
