Don't Let Me Go ~ A Carl Grimes Fanfiction

Chapter Sixteen

We stumble outside. Noah tries to help me along, but he can barely carry himself. Rick walks ahead of us, then Sasha, and Tyreese walks with Carol, holding her up. Behind us, Daryl carries Beth’s lifeless body. By now I’m not crying, and I’m walking on my own. When we get to the front door, Noah holds it for everyone but I keep walking. I can’t bear to look back. Not yet.

When we get outside, I see something that surprises me. Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, Abraham, Tara, Gabriel and Rosita are walking our way. We’re greeted with smiles at first, but Rick gives a shake of his head. Michonne’s face drops first. Then Maggie sees Daryl carrying the only person she’s really here for; Beth. She’s slumped in his arms and in death she looks like a child. Daryl carries her like a baby and the tears fall down his face.

Maggie lets out a loud scream and falls to her knees. Glenn rushes to her side. I don’t see a number of people from the group; my mum, Sammy, Carl, Judith or Eugene, but behind everyone, I see a fire truck and someone comes out of it. I squint and see his sheriff’s hat. I can’t stand being here when Maggie is in so much pain, so I walk over to him and he puts his arms around me. “It was awful, Carl. It was awful,” I sob into his chest. “It was awful,” I keep repeating.

******

We pick a nice spot for Beth the following day, in an open space, yet under a tree. I can’t even bear to watch them dig her grave. “I’m going through the woods to pick some flowers,” I tell Carl. “Can you tell my mum. I just can’t stay here. I can’t watch this.”

“Yeah, sure. Do you want me to come with you?” he asks.

“No, I’ll be fine. I’ll be back soon,” I say. I head into the trees and I see some purple wildflowers. They look like bluets and then I spot some pink asters and Beth liked all things girly, so I pull them up from their roots. I pick a handful of baby’s breath and head back. The grave is dug and Sammy is making the cross for above it. It falls apart.

“Ugh,” Sammy sighs. I walk over to her.

“Here, let me hold this and you can tie it, okay?” I say. I rest the flowers at my side.

“’Kay,” she answers. The cross is finished in minutes. I give Sammy a handful of flowers.

“Here. Thread some through the knot. Beth would’ve liked that,” I say. We knew Beth was religious and that she was a total girly girl so it seems like a perfect combination. She decorates it to make it look pretty. I want her to be able to look for the beauty in the world for as long as possible. I walk over to Daryl, who’s just looking at the ground, with his hand rested on his crossbow. “Hi,” I say quietly. He grunts in return. “Are you okay?” I ask.

“No,” he says.

“You loved her,” I say. I realise what I said. “We all did,” I add.

“It’s not just that. She brought me back. I was ready to let go, and not feel anymore, and she wouldn’t let me. She changed me and she knew it,” he says. “I always knew she was alive, but I didn’t think that we’d find her. I know that sound so wrong, but I didn’t believe it. Then I was happy when we found out she was alive, and then we almost lost Carol too. I thought we were getting them back and it worked, but something changed. And now I’ve… We’ve lost her again…”  Daryl finishes. I hug him and the tears come again.

“Daryl, I’m tired. I mean I’m tired of this. I’m having these thoughts, like it’d be so much easier to just give up,” I start.

“No.” Daryl states. “If I’m not giving up, you’re not giving up. Ya hear me? You’re the strongest kid I know, and you ain’t givin’ up.” I nod.