Don't Let Me Go ~ A Carl Grimes Fanfiction

Chapter Thirteen

We clear out the bodies of the Terminus group, and put them out in the graveyard. It's a debate of whether to burn them or bury them. While the rest are getting the last of them, I run out to the bus and put all the candles and the blanket and the cans of food in a burlap sack, since I know that Abraham, Eugene, Rosita, Glenn, Maggie and Tara will be leaving and taking the bus tomorrow. I run inside and ditch them in a corner.

"Kaitlyn, go get some sleep. We've all had an exhausting night," Michonne says.

"What about you?" I ask.

"I don't sleep much anymore. Not since... well, not since this thing started I guess," she answers.

"Yeah, me neither. I always end up thinking that my family could be alive, back home. I miss them," I say. "I miss the group my mum, Sammy and I were with at first. I mean, I love our group now—"

"You love Carl," she interjects, with a small smile. I blush in the darkness.

"Yeah, but I see everyone else like family too. The group we were with before wasn't as close as we are now, or when we were back at the prison, but it was like they had taken us in, and looked after us. I had friends, until I saw them torn to bit by those... things," I say. "They had little kids too and I think that's why Sammy has gotten immune to the pain of losing people; she saw it all the time. I hate this world," I finish.

"Yeah," Michonne simply says.

"I'm going to go and sleep. Wake me if anything interesting happens," I say.

******

I wake up just as dawn is breaking with Carl's arm across me. I can't have slept for more than a few hours, but I get up anyway. I pick up my rifle with a silencer on it and walk outside. Slinging the gun across me, I pick the tallest tree I find and climb as high as I can which is about thirty-five feet. I haven't been on my own since before Terminus and the lack of privacy is starting to frustrate me. The sun is just starting to break the horizon. I loop my belt around me to secure me to the tree. I raise my gun and look for any walkers that make their way towards the church. I can't risk any walkers or strangers making their way towards the church. My family is inside.

It isn't just walkers that I'm looking for. I'm searching for any sign of Daryl or Carol showing up. I can't begin to comprehend why Daryl would just up and leave us. He's been like family since we first met him. He taught me so much and now he's just gone.

I sit alone in my tree thinking over one million and one things. I feel ashamed of myself, of what Carl and I did, and the fact that I lost my virginity at the back of a bus. I know we're too young and if I could take it back, I would but I can't. I feel like I'm cheating on Sebastian. I don't even know if he's alive, and when Eugene manages to put the world back to how it was, then my family and I could go home.

I'm reminded of the fact that Abraham, Glenn, Maggie, Eugene, Tara and Rosita are leaving for Washington today. We'll be short of even more people. We'll be even more defenceless. I'm interrupted by the sound of the church door creaking open. "Kaitlyn?" I hear someone call my name. I look down and see that Glenn is standing, looking up at me. "What are you doing up there?" he asks.

"Thinking," I answer. "I'll come down now." I undo my belt and start to climb down, with my rifle slung across my chest. Just as I get to the bottom branch, I fumble and my foot misses the tree. I fall about five or six feet and land on my tail-bone. "Ahh," I wince in pain. "Fuck!" Glenn rushes over to see if I'm okay, ignoring the swearing.

"Are you alright? How bad is the pain?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had worse. Nothing I can't handle," I say. "Can I get a hand up?" I ask, outstretching my arm.

"Yeah. Sure. Sorry," Glenn says, grabbing my hand and wrist as he helps me to my feet. "Can you walk okay?" Glenn asks me. I nod.

"Um, I think so..." I say with a bit of a limp. "I'm okay for now. It's not as if there's anything to be done about it anyway," I say. Glenn takes my gun and helps me to the church steps. I don't think I can sit so he props me up against the handrail.

"So the whole group splitting up again thing sucks. When are we going to learn that we have to stay together to survive?" I say. Glenn nods his eyes far off in the distance. "Why do you think Carol and Daryl left?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"I have no idea, but knowing them, it would have to be something important," Glenn answers.

"Maybe they found out that the people from Terminus were here and they were trying to lead them away?" I suggest.

"Yeah, maybe. They will be back, though," Glenn adds.

"Yeah. I hope so," I say. "You got watch?" I ask. Glenn nods. "I'm heading back inside." I open one of the double doors and see that almost everyone is awake and there's a slight buzz about the place as Abraham's group prepares to set off on their road trip. I see my mother at the Altar of the church, cradling baby Judith. Sammy is sitting with Michonne who's doing sit-ups while keeping a conversation going with a seven year old. Now that's impressive! I see Carl before he sees me, but I feel a little embarrassed to look at him.

Instead, I find Maggie. If there's anyone here that I can maybe talk to, it's her. She's cleaning her gun with an old handkerchief. "Hey," I say. I'm speaking more and more like the rest of them every day.

"Hi, sweetie. What's up?" she asks, glancing at me with a smile then resting her eyes on the gun once more.

"Erm..." I start. "Nothin'." I can't bring myself to say anything about it. Maggie notices me acting a little shifty, so she focuses her attention on me.

"Kaitlyn, what's wrong?" she persists. I look at the floor.

"It's... um... it's me and... it's me and Carl..." I stumble over my words.

"I'm sorry but I don't have all day," Maggie smiles and nudges my arm with her elbow trying to lighten the mood. "What's botherin' ya?" she asks.

"Well... we... um... y'know..." I stammer and a shocked look crosses Maggie's face.

"You said nothing happened that time, at the prison. Are you..." she asks gesturing at my more than flat stomach.

"No!" I yell. A few heads turn towards us. "No, I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be. I haven't had a period since long before I came to the prison. They stopped because of the malnourishment. But nothing happened at the prison anyway, I swear," I say.

"Then when did it happen?" she asks.

"Last night. And I don't know how to or if I should tell my mum," I say.

"Wait last night you were with us the entire time. Well for most of it. Then you went out to the... Oh god! The bus? Really? The bus where I have to travel for a six-hundred mile journey? Kaitlyn, I thought you had better standards than that," she says. I hang my head again, but then a thought crosses my mind.

"I do. We didn't do it in a church, did we? That's gotta count for something. And you're one to talk. I heard that you and Glenn hooked up in a looted pharmacy the first time you two went on a run. How long had you known each other? Like a week? Less? I've known Carl for like six-seven months. We've been together through everything. A group of men tried to rape me, both of us. He loves me, and I love him," I say, and suddenly I don't feel as confused as before.

"Yeah, okay. You love each other but you are too young. You can decide for yourself whether to talk to your mom or not. It's your choice. But you should talk to Carl, and establish that he knows you're both too young as well." Maggie says. She pulls me into a long hug and I realise that this group is my family now and Maggie and Beth are like the big sisters I never had.

It dawns on me where Daryl might have gone. He's looking for Beth!