Hidden Trauma (Depressed/Sexually Assaulted Bakugou)

Chapter 31: Gratitude

The sudden question startles Monoma into straight-backed and tense posture, his eyes wide and mouth agape; the inference disgusts him. He vehemently disagrees, spatting, "No!" His voice came out high and squeaky, so Monoma clears his throat before continuing, settling back into his seat. "No. I honestly don't even care if he forgives me or not. It would be great, yes, but I recognize that I did something unforgivable. It would be extremely presumptuous of me to assume that I can be forgiven for the unforgivable, wouldn't it? No, I just want him to know that I am really sorry. I didn't mean for this all to happen, and I never..." His voice gets choked up, and Monoma clears his throat again, ignoring the water moistening his eyes. "I never should have said something like that, no matter the circumstance. It doesn't matter what happened to me or who I was saying it to; I should never have allowed something like that to leave my mouth. So, yeah, it was already despicable, but then it was about someone who actually went through something like that. I feel like trash for it, and I can't let him think that I would ever intentionally do something like this to him.

"I've seen the looks he gets, and I know that he despises it. He may never forgive me, and that's fine, but I really just need him to know that I'm really so sorry." Staring into the teacher's eyes with all of his conviction, Monoma sincerely hopes that he has gotten his message across well. He has never been the easiest guy to understand, and he can't fault anyone else for that—he does not exactly make it easy—but he put his all into this explanation in the hopes that he will come across as clearly as he ever has or ever will.

Monoma quickly swipes at his watery eyes before a tear can fall, averting his gaze from Aizawa's piercing dark eyes. It is silent in the room for a while until Aizawa shifts, leaning back in his seat and taking a large gulp of his coffee. He speaks up with a scratchy monotone, "Well, I think you already know what you have to say, at least." At Monoma's confused expression, he elaborates, "Everything you just said is what you need to tell Bakugou. The same conviction, the same intent, the same acceptance. I believe you when you say you don't expect forgiveness, so I can pretty much ascertain that you are telling the truth since not many can fool me. Keep in mind everything you have said to me, but I will tell you something about Bakugou, and don't you dare let it give you some false hope that all is well. You messed up, and you need to accept that. Understood?" Monoma nods vehemently, and Aizawa nods lightly in response after taking another sip of coffee. "Once again, I think you already got that, but I need to be certain. Now, as for Bakugou, that kid may seem brash and angry all the time, but he is a really good kid. His behavior makes some people think that he is villainous, but he is always there for the people he cares about, will always do his best to protect any people he can, has a painfully strong heart of gold, and, luckily for you, forgives people as long as they really mean what they say. I can't be certain that he will do the same here, considering the circumstances, but I want you to at least be aware of your situation. Bakugou does not need to forgive you, but he might. That does not mean that everything is perfect just because he forgives you. It just means that he is kind and a genuinely good person."

Monoma continues to nod, and he feels like he will transform into a bobble head by the time this meeting is over. "Yes, I understand, and I promise that my apology will not have changed. I mean everything I have said, and it has not changed, so what I say will not, either. But how do I get Bakugou to listen long enough for me to apologize? I cannot get him to listen to me for longer than it takes to look at me and away again."

Aizawa seems to contemplate this with his drowsy eyes creeping slowly toward the entrance to his little home. "Well, I'll just call him in, then," he grumbles tiredly as he stands up, heading for the door.

Monoma blinks dumbly at the teacher. "What?"

Looking over his shoulder, Aizawa says, "I am going to get Bakugou so that you two can talk here in private. It is still just a bit after seven, so he should be awake." With that, Aizawa steps out of the room and closes the door behind him, leaving Monoma in silence.