How could I have gotten
so lost?
I thought I recognized where
I was going...
Until it hit me,
that I didn't know where
I was heading
or what read I was on -
it was dark...
the road signs
made no sense.
So I drove faster
and faster,
"Eventually something
will make sense,"
I thought.
Fear began to rise
in me,
and existential fear
of total isolation
and more.
Heart racing...
sweaty palms
and bedsheets.
It's just a dream...
So, I decided to get off
the road I was on,
to turn down another road.
It was a bizarre choice
there was nothing familiar
about this road,
unto which I was turning.
I had no idea where
it would lead -
some vague and unknown
instinct told me to turn.
I've had this dream
more than once.
I try to think about its meaning
adding my commentary
as an observing voice
in the dream.
The last turn
before I wake up...
I would never have taken the turn
if anything at all
about the road, I had been on
was at all familiar
and if I had not been
so desperately and passionately
scared and lost.
I always wake up
shortly after making the turn
because instead of relieving my fear
I begin to feel
even more terrified -
a sense of foreboding.
an even greater existential fear
then I had known previously -
my heart racing.
I get the thought,
even in the dream state,
"No, I cannot face THIS"
and so I wake up.
Yet there's no resolution,
never a coming to understand
how I have gotten
so lost.
YOU ARE READING
What Matters Most: Poems About Love, Loss, & Trauma
PoetryThis is a collection of poems inspired by love, loss of love, and other events that began in late July of 2000. This is my autobiography in poetry form. It's not just about love but also about the loss of those I have loved. I had fallen totally and...
