Diary of a teenage b**** | ✔

Fifty-Seven

I wish I could have fallen out of love with him, but like I said love doesn't work like that, in case you hopeful that something might stem from this, I regret to inform you that nothing unfolded between Tyler and I , I mean we didn't even kiss

But I can assure you my heart yearned for him

What eventually happened was that the more I loved him, the more respect I lost for myself because that's what loving him meant unfortunately. I didn't realize it like spontaneously in the form of a dream or something like that, it was just you get to a point in your life when you know you have nothing left to give

In my case I had given so much to Tyler that I barely had anything left for myself

In the end it wasn't the fun and the god times that I had replaced cutting with, it was Tyler

Only after that did I realize that people shouldn't be treated the way Tyler had treated me

Tyler was 3 years older than me and not like any boy I had ever met, he had confidence style and just sheer ability to be himself in any setting which I admired as opposed to me the chameleon changing with my surrounding's, which is where you can see the initial infatuation had stemmed from

You see after Tyler's insults, there were also the moods. And because I was so often around him a lot of the times I found myself subjected to his moods

For better understanding let me brief you: when you dating something they are filtered, but I saw this boy everyday more than my family members inside my house because they woke up late and he loved using me as an excuse to get out to 'show-me around' I think his parents liked me probably because I was harmless and not nearly as bad as the other girls in the city

Bad- for lack of better word

Little did they know he'd take me out ditch me and hang out with any girl he deemed pretty enough to hook up with

At least this was after Kayla

Kayla broke him

It's like he didn't even notice me

One Friday he told me to meet him in the park which by then the park was a location I was familiar with due to waking the dogs there every morning, that morning I took the dogs with me and waited for him on the park bench for nearly two hours trying as best to be patient as the dogs grew restless and I had run out of treats to give them

I wanted to message him to ask where he was, but found myself making excuses to not message him; maybe he forgot, maybe he got into an accident, maybe he overslept, maybe there was traffic

After a while I was forced to message him, and he'd responded, saying he'd be there soon, which had at least been an hour ago

When Tyler eventually got there and he was red, angry and tense

''hey'' I greeted cautiously

''hi'' he sat down on the bench next to me, barely even looking at me

I could tell something was wrong, and my anger for him being late evaporated once I saw that something was up

''what's wrong?'' I asked undeniably concerned

He didn't answer for a moment, just sat their breathing, though it sounded more like exhaling

''Parents are so fucking annoying, they piss me off-''

''what did they do'' I asked, turning my body so that I could face him

Giving him my undivided attention

''nothing it's just they so unnecessary sometimes''

The first blow that day was when he showed up two hours late