Diary of a teenage b**** | ✔

One

Have you ever liked a boy so much it consumed you, not only that but it also killed you every day because he didn't know that you liked him.- I know this is hard to believe like; how could he not know that you liked him?

How you ask?

Because you were friends, genuine friends, he cared about you, you cared about him, you were the one who had to go and catch feelings for him.

And because unfortunately life wasn't some make believe story where the girl shoots her shot on her guy friend, and he confesses that he likes her back, and that he has liked her all this time but just didn't know how to say it to her, and he's glad she's said it first....

If that's how you thought this was to pan out, you chose the wrong book to read.

What happened with my guy friend was actually the furthest from what one would imagine when confessing your love for your guy friend.

Because Tyler was my friend, and he saw me as a friend in the sense he didn't care who he was around me, because he didn't see me as anything else but a friend

That already had been a clear indication that he'd never see me as anything else but a friend, and if that weren't enough; he also seemed to inform me whenever he thought my friend was crazy hot, and that he'd want to fuck her

The thing with friendships like these, where there was one girl and one boy, when the boy didn't see you as anything more than just a mate, he treated you like a mate, to the extent where it felt like he was disrespecting you because that's how he treated his other guy mates, which I guess its fine if you're okay with that

But when it starts to affect you negatively, is when you see him around girls; girls that he likes, girls that are pretty, - he treats them so differently; he doesn't act the same way with them like how he acts around you) And you start to compare yourself based on that, why can't he treat you like that? - to the extent where it no longer feels like a friendship anymore, more like a boy who is just blatantly disrespecting a girl

This isn't a new discovery, its common knowledge to any girl who had ever had a crush on her guy mate; it doesn't prove anything besides the fact, that life is not a fairytale

Yes for the pretty girls, I'm sure you'd get your fantasy, but for people like me: not so much.

apologies for sounding like the basic bitch who complains about everything, the; ''ooh, I'm the insecure ugly girl that no one likes, but in reality I'm portrayed by a thin, perfect white girl with clear skin and a perfect ass'' – this is not where I'm going with this, draw a picture in your mind where I'm so average looking that guys just see me as a friend, and can't imagine me as anything beyond that, because I'm that unattractive

Or that average

Maybe I'm exaggerating, I don't want to chase you away by this picture of me resembling an ogre with bad skin, and armpits that smelt of onions, all that I'm trying to say is I'm no boy's wet dream. – not that I'm limiting myself to that; that to be deemed attractive a boy needs to either dream of me, think of me when he is jerking off, or even when he was just horny

But it would be nice to know that there was a boy out there who thought I was hot, even if it happened to be in the form of a dream

Back to my point, -the point where I had the hot's for a friend, but it was clear i had no chance in hell with him, unless maybe I dropped a few pounds, went for plastic surgery and started pooping rainbows

Even then it probably still wouldn't have worked, because I liked him. Everyone knows that relationships only work if the guy likes the girl first