Diary of a teenage b**** | ✔

Thirty-Two

The making out in the woods was a no-go on my end, because fist I had felt all rebellious and like; 'let's do things in the spur of the moment', but then as soon as a I started kissing him, and I felt his hands on me, I knew I needed to abort mission, my mind couldn't help but wander to all those people who made out in public areas, like was there no anxiety? Did they not care?

I tried, really hard for a hot minute to throw myself into the kiss, imagine it how they describe making out in public areas in books: it was as if the whole world melted away and it was just the two of us

Well let me tell you those books lied, the world did not fucking melt away, I mean I expected it not to, but I would have settled for a simple shift even, but no, absolutely nothing just a buildup of tension and anxiety and the burning desire to open my eyes and look to see if anyone was watching

And then I broke apart from him, deciding hurting his ego was worth the anxiety that was gradually intensifying and expanding from within

Luke looked all glass-eyed, slightly disheveled, and crazy hot in the moonlight

I don't even remember if we exchanged any words after that, all I know is that we somehow came to an unspoken agreement to head back to where everyone else was camped, Tully and Keegan were already back, Susan still had her flash on, as her phone dangled by her side absentmindedly, I ignored the distasteful look Keegan shot in mine and Luke's direction, or maybe I didn't ignore it, because I created a bigger space in-between us by stepping further away from him

This sounds sort of crazy but looking back at it now, subconsciously I was under the impression that if Wren saw me less around Luke he would see me as available, and if Keegan didn't see me with Luke so often, she too would automatically like me more

If you're just as impatient as me, and want to know if this tactic was effective, the tactic of minimum interacting with Luke in public to preserve relationships, even if one of those relationships probably wasn't a good idea to salvage, the other one really not that necessary, yet the people-pleaser inside me couldn't contain herself

Which was why I didn't interact directly with Luke again that night

The rest of the night was a blur, a fun definitely-would-want-to-do-it-again but probably-won't happen-again type of blur

I recall Susan playing some music on her beats speaker and everyone whooped in agreement to the songs she chose, and pretty much not long after that, we were all dancing in the dark, the moonlight causing our shadows to dance in unison with our bodily movements

I'd trade my soul to be back there again

Thank you so much for all the love and support, feel free to leave a vote and comment

much love