The Insane House | billie eilish

She's just going to break you.

Billie

I've always thought of myself as someone who can handle almost about anything.

I mean, when you have an entity that lives in the core of your conscious of good and evil, constantly overpowering your good thoughts and emotions...
You start to become immune, and have a way of seeing the really fucked up shit and can feel absolutely nothing seeing it.

Things didn't really bother me as a kid, like most kids could be bothered with.

In my childhood, what I considered fun was hunting. I would take my brother Finneas' pistol from underneath his bed spring, and sneak out.

While he was working his shift with our dad in the town butcher shop, I'd take his pistol into the deep dark part of our woods across our backyard to shoot. This was almost an everyday thing. It took them 30 minutes to get over to the nearest town to work, and they both worked until dark. I always had plenty of time to do almost anything.

Then before they'd return from the butcher shop, I'd switch out my dad's pistol bullets to my brother's, and vise versa. That applied if ever borrowed my dad's gun as well. I would switch between them so they wouldn't notice.

They never noticed.

Lucky for me, they had the same exact pistol that required the exact same type of bullets. I guess they keep their gun preferences within the family, just like their choices of living.

At the time, I would only shoot just mere rabbits, squirrels, possums, raccoons, or just any small wildlife that I could see within eyes view in the woods surrounding my house. Didn't do it for any other reason, except out of pure enjoyment.

I was very young doing these things. I started hunting just purely 'for fun' at the age of 6. It was instilled into me as a means of survival. And because of that, I had to adapt.

I grew up in a family of hunters, we feasted on the animals of the land to keep us full. We hunted to eat, we hunted for fun. We used our resources in the woods we lived in, to survive. Seems odd thinking about the world we live in now. Where living, and feeding off the land is not really a common way to live in society anymore.

Living the way I did growing up, definitely instilled the mindset that was created within me to be a perfect vessel to survive off of.

Although, it wasn't particularly my favorite way to live, just living in a cabin in the woods and using nature as a resource.
It gave me one thing to go off of, it taught me how to survive in the worst conditions.

As humans we've become dependent on the comfort of doing absolutely nothing. So to learn how to survive was necessary, at least so my family thought.

And even I had thought this was necessary, for a while in my childhood. I knew nothing else but this.

The only family interactions to help with my development into survival, were the days where I would go off into the woods with Finneas to help him hunt for dinner, or with him to hunt for fun with his throwing knives. Usually I only went because Finneas would allow me the opportunity to also practice throwing knives as a way of hunting prey, along with shooting.

Using knives was his favorite way to hunt and he always compared it to his form of 'art'. To listen closely, and strike when the time is right. I always could compare him to moving like an assassin.

His techniques were precise and silent, his moves were never predictable. He knew how to get away and make a clean exit without disturbing the peace of nature. It was quite admirable.