Shield

6.3.- The Nigth Before.

Oli slammed his hand hard on the table, the sound of crystal glasses bouncing over wood and falling to the floor shattering filling the air like music, his partner gently placed his palm on his shoulder in consoling.
Oli turned to face Milo, displeased, and pushed him back, shoving hard against his chest, Milo stumbled back in shock "You can't do this," Milo's voice was strained and weak "You can't take this out on me."
Oli closed the distance between them with two wide strides "We leave tonight," he held on to Milo's collar pulling him in.
"Oli..." Milo was frustrated, his fists clenched to his sides "You are being idiotic, let go,"
He shook him slightly and Milo's hands came up to tussle against him "Let go god damnit!" Milo demanded.
They started shoving each other like children in a playground.
"Tonight," Oli repeated in a commanding tone, Milo's hand struck Oli hard on the cheek but Oli held fast.
"Let me go!" Milo shouted and pulled him close in one vigorous tug Oli's head booted him, both skulls grinding hard against each other not giving in.
"Tonight!" Oli repeated aggressively.
The ruckus of bodies fighting drew attention. The door of the bedroom opened and Shun walked in as silent as a specter.
"Milo?"  Shun growled in a low voice. They both turned to him with guilty expressions, they had never looked so boyish to him before, though older he could only see them as spoiled children.
"Get out!" Oli commanded letting go of Milo who stumbled back rubbing his head with one hand and loosening his tie with the other.
"Sir?" Shun asked.
"Where fine..." Milo told him looking away, dismissing him with his hand.
Shun did not move, his eyes glued to Oli who stared him down in anger "Don't you have somewhere to be Dog? where's your little girlfriend?" Oli mocked.
No one moved, a dense veil of unresolved anger kept them trapped in place, wild animals in a net.
"Oli" Milo said softly extending out his hand to touch him, Oli brushed it away.
"Who cares? He's only a pet you keep around anyway. A toy," Oli exclaimed.
Milo shook his head in disgust, he loved Oli to death but over all things he was cruel.
Shun said nothing.
"leave us," Milo instructed, things were bad enough.
"So, you're not only stupid your also deaf?" Oli smirked, "Get the fuck out, real people are talking."
Still motionless one of Shuns hands slipped behind his back.
"Oh right" Oli tried to act surprised "I heard you and her weren't talking, I guess she didn't see the need of keeping a mangy pup close after all. We don't either so, get lost!".
"For fuck sake shut up for one-minute Oli," Milo said frustrated.
"Make your dog leave, we're not done talking," Oli said to him.
Shun walked forward and Oli smiled, pleased with his successful provocation, Shun took a fistful of his T-shirt and raised him a bit "Call me dog one more time," he growled.
"A defiant one!" Oli laughed.
"Shun fall back!" Milo ordered his voice loud.
"One more time, come on," Shun begged "Please," he whispered, Oli heard him perfectly "What will happen if I do?" he triggered.
"Shun fall back, I'm warning you," Milo called out.
Shun said nothing motionless. 
"Run along now pup, masters calling," Oli said making a shooing motion with his hand. Shun gave one last look at Milo who was walking towards them to break them up, deciding it was a lost cause he turned around to leave.
"Maybe if you would have a pair you would have a chance with my sister," Oli scoffed "Worst taste in men."
Milo tugged on Oli's shoulders trying to drag him away, but he stood his ground. Shun had stopped his breath deep and fast in anger, when he turned his face a reptile smirk tugged the side of his lips stretching his mouth into a long grin, his eyes two slits looking down on him from his colossal height, his back slightly curved forward.
"Enjoy your evening sir," Shun said in a slow deep voice his eyes not on Oli but Milo who had begun to sweat, brow shiny and damp a slight panic in his motion forward.
Shun walked out closing the door behind him, his hands shook, and he cursed a thousand times inside himself. He wanted to scream, he wanted to bust his knuckles against that brat's face, he wanted to take out the retractable staff he carried and bust every bone in his body but what he wanted more than anything was to see Nel.
"Fuck!" he exhaled pushing his hair out of his face and catching a glimpse in the mirror he said out loud to no one "She likes my hair pushed back," and walked out.
As he walked down the corridor, he heard the ruckus begin again in the room behind him. It was not his problem; Milo had made sure of that. Let the rich brats kill each other, that's what Milo wanted, after all, he could protect him of everything except himself.
He exited the perimeter like a ghost, avoiding everyone, and hid in his car. In the darkness behind the steering wheel he laid his face down "I want to see her" he thought afraid to say it out loud. He had never had such a feeling.
People were things. Things to be used, things to be protected or things to be disposed of.
He felt sick to his stomach, ever since that day Sammi stopped him from reaching her, the look on Nel's face, he had never seen such an expression, it was like a wax mask.
He texted Charlotte.
Shun- "Hey you up?"
Charlotte- "Yeah, what's up?"
Shun- "Have you talked to Nel?"
Charlotte- "Dude I don't know what you did but you have to fix this ASAP,"
Shun- "What?"
Charlotte- "she called me,"
Shun- "What did she say?"
Charlotte- "That's the thing, she never calls me, all she did was ask me to tell her something, I asked her what, and she said anything she just wanted to hear me talk,"
Shun- "So?"
Charlotte- "So I told her about the tutoring class I have been going to and stuff, she listened to me without interrupting for 20 minutes, I had to ask if she was still there,"
Shun- "So?"
Charlotte- "So she's all kinds of fucked up, when I told her I did not know what else to say she just said goodnight and hung up. What did you do?"
Shun- "It's complicated,"
Charlotte- "Why are you guys always complicating everything? just say you're sorry or what whatever,"
Shun- "It's not that easy,"
Charlotte- "It is actually,"
Shun- "What if I told you I have been lying to her for more than a year?"
Charlotte- "Are you cheating on her?"
Shun- "What? no. Where not even together like that,"
Charlotte- "She thinks you are,"
Shun- "She said that?"
Charlotte- "OMG Get your shit together and say you're sorry. You guys are so dramatic. I swear to god,"
Shun- "Is she awake?"
Charlotte- "She always goes to bed after 3 am,"
Shun- "She won't answer my texts,"
Charlotte- "Man up and go see her, face to face. She's old fashioned like that technology won't save you,"
Shun- "I am not Sammi's favorite person right now,"
Charlotte- "When have you been? look she told me her dad is still out of town and her brother is staying with his boyfriend or something so it's only Sammi and her. Get on your damn knees and beg for five minutes, Sammi is cool she is tough but cool,"
Shun- "No shit. Talk to you tomorrow, wish me luck,"
Charlotte- "May the odds be forever in your favor,"
Shun- "Write something cool like that on my epitaph,"
Charlotte- "I will take some nice flowers to the funeral and cry under my black vail for my stupid child,"
Shun- "Thanks... I guess,"
He laid back on the seat and closed his eyes, thinking about holding Nel in the coolness of his gloomy apartment, the brittleness of her bleached hair, and the scent of soap and toothpaste. "I will buy her some perfume for Christmas," he thought, he wanted a scent that could remind him of her, a scent to spray on his pillow once he let her go.
A scent for after the wedding.
The engine came to life and he drove slowly at the first red light he stopped and texted Nel.
Shun- "Are you awake? We have to talk."
The message was read as minutes passed and no answer, was ignored again.
Shun- "Can you meet with me? We need to talk."
Ignored again, he called her, the sound of a call waiting to be picked up loud in the car's speakers, it rang out again and again. After the sixth call he stopped, pulling up outside of her father's mansion. Two men stood guard at the tall gate. He asked to talk to Sammi, they looked at each other and spoke into their earpiece. After a moment of waiting the man turned around to answer a few questions, Shun was sure he would be rejected and started to analyze the perimeter for a place to jump the wall.
The man stepped aside and signaled him to advance Shun nodded and drove in slowly, his tires loud on the pebbled driveway, only the outside of the mansion was bright, every single light inside seemed to be out. He wondered if Nel was awake, but she had read his message, did she even have her phone?
As he drove up to the main entrance and parked to the side Sammi stood in front of the main door, without her suit jacket, sleeves rolled up, black leather gloves. She stood arms crossed. Sammi looked both strong and intimidating staring him down as he walked up to her "She is cool Charlotte" he thought.
"Good evening," Sammi greeted with polite words, but her body language read of hostility, it might as well be a threat.
"Good evening," Shun echoed walking up to her with caution he wanted to look vulnerable, an imaginary peace flag waving in her face.
"How may I help you? Is there something lacking for tomorrow?" Sammi asked unmoving.
Shun shrugged earnestly "I wouldn't know, I have nothing to do with the wedding," he kicked at the ground hands in his pockets.
"Don't you? Then why are you here?" Sammi interrogated naturally.
"I have to talk to Nel," Shun got straight to the point.
"Have to? Interesting selection of words" Sammi said without a smile.
"Sammi please..." Shun begged, it had been such a long night already.
"It's late, you can speak tomorrow," Sammi said.
"It will be too late tomorrow," Shun negotiated.
"Too late?" Sammi raised an eyebrow, hands falling to her sides "Too late for what? What difference does it make tonight or tomorrow?".
"You know," Shun stood two stairs under her, making them the same height "Sou know what difference it makes," he frowned.
"Did she say she wanted to talk to you? because I heard differently," Sammi's hands on her hips she scolded him.
"Did she say something?" Shun asked and his face softened, he became a confused 19-year-old desperate for some hope "Did she say anything about me?" he was childishly hopeful.
Sammi shook her head, taking her eyes off him for the first time, he was not a threat, he was just another tool, just like her, just like Nel.
"Shun, look," Sammi leveled with him "She doesn't want to see you, she has enough on her plate, cut her some slack and do both yourself and her a favor by giving her some space,"
"Five minutes just tell her I'm here, if she does not want to talk to me it's fine, just give me five minutes," Shun pleaded.
Sammi smiled apologetically "Even if I tell her you're here who says she will meet you?"
Shun lowered his gaze and chewed on the inside of his mouth "Just ask her, please. I know it's late, but it has to be tonight,"
"In five minutes, you won't get anything out of her," Sammi reminded him
"I just need her to listen," Shun said.
"I am warning you if she asks me to get you out of here I will. I don't mess around," Sammi warned.
"Ok," Shun accepted almost excitedly.
Sammi spoke into her earpiece and waited, the uncomfortable silence dragged on and Shun felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, a message from Nel.
Nel- "Leave,"
Shun- "Please, five minutes and I will. I have to talk to you," he tipped frantically.
Nel- "Leave,"
Shun- "I will stay here all night, if you ask Sammi to get rid of me it could get ugly,"
Nel- "Don't threaten me,"
Shun- "Please,"
Sammi waited, Shun waited, the phone was silent, the earpiece as well. An eternity trapped in a moment.
The front door opened and Nel stepped out, looking at Sammi she nodded once.
"Five minutes," Sammi said patting Nel's head.
Nel nodded once more and Sammi entered the house.
Shun stood still, glued 2 steps away.
"Five minutes," Nel looked at the clock on her phone screen.
Shun nodded, feeling a rush of panic inside himself knowing he was rushing against time.
"I know I lied," Shun began "I'm sorry, I will not deny that" he brushed his fingers through his hair "But they were orders, you understand orders,"
"I do, so why are you here?" Nel agreed.
"I don't know. It's strange, you make me strange. I..." Shun exhaled loudly feeling like choking "I had to see you, I wanted to see you. Fuck," he scratched the back of his neck "When we are alone it's not orders, and you knew, you're not dumb I was sure you knew"
"Alone?... I Knew?" Nel said the word like it was foreign to her, not understanding.
"Well no, not alone, you and Charlotte and me, those aren't orders. You are my friends. Like you and I aren't friends... like..." Shun stumbled through his explanation choking.
"I don't-" Nel began.
"I like you," Shun blurted out "Those aren't orders. Fuck Nel, we have been together for almost 2 years. It's not working anymore. You're not just a job, it's not even hiding, it's just me."
"Ok," Nel agreed.
"Do you understand me?" Shun's voice was uncertain.
"No," Nel told him.
"Why? I am saying that I like you, I mean it," Shun said honestly, his heart vulnerably on his sleeve.
"I understand that," Nel told him.
"Then what? What can I do? Nel talk to me," Shun urged feeling his time running out.
"I don't understand you," Nel said her voice as unaffected as ever.
"..." Shun looked down and stretched out he almost took her hand but she pulled away " I don't understand myself," he said, his troubled expression relaxing into that soft smile she knew, the smile he saved for them, the smile of true feeling. And it was so sad, a smile of knowing your time has run out and you have not been heard.
The smile of his first broken heart.
She stretched her hand out and cupped his face, He leaned in putting his hand on hers, and closed his eyes.
"Go home," Nel said.
He nodded melancholically as if he remembered how maybe he would cry.
Both hands fell to their sides and turning to go Shun spoke over his shoulder "Maybe you don't believe me, but it was true. Everything I said and did. I don't have to fake it with you,"
Shun drove back to his apartment and lay in the stillness without turning on any light. He could not stand to go back to the main house, he could not see Milo, and he could not stop himself from killing or dying by Oli's hand. For a split second, he thought about bailing T city, but he had nowhere to run to.
He was a dog and dogs are over everything else loyal. He wanted the day to be over. He was afraid of the day being over.
He had learned too much about himself tonight. He had learned he was capable of loving and hating someone at the same time, that he was not above jealousy, and somewhere deep inside, he had made himself aware that he enjoyed his student life and his student persona more than anything. That he loved his friends.
He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulled it out.
Charlotte- "I can't sleep. Did you talk?"
Shun- "Yeah,"
Charlotte- "How did it go,"
Shun- "Sucked,"
Charlotte- "Did you say you're sorry?"
Shun- "Yeah. She was not impressed,"
Charlotte- "Ok. Text her right now. write this exactly -I'm sorry. I love you-"
Shun- "Does this look like a soap opera?"
Charlotte- "Fine, do whatever you want. These ones on me for caring about your dumbasses,"
Shun- "Ok, ok. Whatever,"
Charlotte- "You can thank me later."
Shun- "I'm going to sleep now!"
Charlotte- "Ok. See you on Monday. If you need me, I'm here ok? For real,"
Shun- "Thanks Ceecee,"
Feeling hopeless Shun opened Nel's text window and texted the simple message Charlotte had instructed. If someone knew Nel it was her.
Shun- "I'm sorry. I love you."
He stared at the text for a moment, repeating the words in his mind. They were true. Love was a strong word but with Nel, it rolled easily off his tongue.
And his eyes opened wide in the dark, three silent dots signaling she was writing "Ceecee your crazy hack, you were right," he said to no one, he said to himself, he said to the darkness.
Those three dots tortured him, bouncing up and down, they kept pace with his fast pulse, with his aching heart.
"Come on," he said out loud.
Nel- "Me too".
"What?!" Shun said out loud "What does that mean?" he dropped the phone next to him and curled into a ball fully dressed, shoes tied.
He wanted the night, the day, the week to be over. He feared tomorrow his black suit hung from the bathroom door pressed and ready for the formal event.
"This fucking wedding," he thought.
This was all Oil's fault, he had told Milo to send him to that damn school, to his blessed sister.
He had talked her into the wedding, That Fucking sadist. That madman.
The phone vibrated again, he considered ignoring it but there were no unimportant people on his agenda.
Nel- "You awake?"
Shun- "Yes,"
Nel- "I can't sleep,"
Shun- "Are you ok? What can I do?".
Nel- "Nothing,"
Shun- "Can I call you,"
Nel- "No,"
Shun- "Are you ready for tomorrow?"
Nel- "Yes,"
Shun- "Are you excited?"
Nel- "Why didn't you tell me?"
Shun- "Would you have been my friend if I told you Milo sent me?"
Nel- "No,"
Shun- "We had fun, didn't we?"
Nel- "Yes"
Shun- "Can we still have fun?"
Nel- "I don't know."
Shun- "Can we still be friends?"
Nel- "Are we friends? I can't trust you." her words were cold but spoke volumes. He shivered.
Shun- "We can be whatever you want, just don't shut me out".
Nel- "I will see you on Monday."
Shun- "I will see you tomorrow."
Nel- "Don't go"
Shun- "I have to, Milos orders."
Nel- "Ok"
Shun- "Are you ok?"
Nel- "Yes"
Shun- "I love you."
Nel- "Good night"
Shun- "Sleep well."
He felt his chest tightening after no response. Did he love her? Did she love him?
Enough pain for one night. Tomorrow was a grand day for the North and Eats districts. Tomorrow he had to work.
How many circles before a dog lays down? He was tired and numbed, surprised and touched knowing he had more people on his side than he expected but filled with newfound useless rage.
Tomorrow was another battle to stay alive.