"So that's what boys used as an excuse when they lost their erections back in the 16th century, they blamed it on their witch wives..." I can't help snorting and rolling my eyes while Ruby chuckles next to me.
"See? You finally saw the funny side. Lot of people died because of these two inquisitors' sick minds and I prefer to make fun of them, exposing them as ignorant assholes to the entire world, because I feel that if I take them seriously I'll cry for weeks... Sometimes I fear that humanity is hopeless..." My girl sighs sadly.
"There're good people in the world too, Ruby, and Diana Siena and my nephew... I think it's important to move on for them, laughing at idiots and not crying because of them, it's a waste of time and they don't deserve our attention..." I lean forward to kiss her soft lips and the pretty artist smiles, nodding before reading again.
"We still need to talk about what we think of those witches that collect a big amount of male members, around 20 or 30, and they put them in birds' nests or in wooden boxes where they keep moving like they're still alive, eating oatmeal or something like that..."
"Sorry, what? You're kidding me, they haven't written that..." I can't help bursting into laughing this time and Ruby nods, pointing at the book.
"I swear, babe, those inquisitors believed witches collected dicks that ate oatmeal... It's hilarious."
"But why?" I ask while tears run down my cheeks and my girl looks at me confused. "Why would a witch want to have 20 dicks hidden in a bird's nest?"
"I have no idea, babe, I'm an expert in dildos, not dick... Listen... A man who had lost his member went to see a witch to get it back. She told the distressed guy to climb a specific tree and that he could pick out one member among the many that were hidden there. When the man tried to take the bigger one, the witch told him to leave it because it belonged to a priest." We both laugh again till we're running out of breath and Morgan stares at us like we're crazy suddenly, I can almost see her rolling her eyes the way her mother Boudica did. "This is trash..." My girl drops the book on the floor and lies on the mattress, turning the light off before hugging me and sighing. "Let's go to sleep, my love, we have a very busy day tomorrow..."
"Yes, I have some shopping to do before going to New Orleans..."
*****
I sigh happily walking out of Macy's carrying my bags, despite all the gorgeous clothes I bought with Ivy at Chelsea Market the other day I still needed some stuff, pyjamas and underwear, makeup... I may have spent more money than I should but now I can afford it thanks to Ruby and the new contract signed with her friend Simon, the HarperCollins company has decided to publish my first book even if it can be found online for free because they know lot of people prefer to have a real volume in their hands and turn pages. I took advantage of our meeting to show him some chapters of the second part of my detective novel despite I still have to polish some details, but Simon was very excited and asked me to send him the final book as soon as possible... but that'll happen after we come back from our little vacation to New Orleans.
I take a look at the sky, doubtfully, wondering if it'll rain but I decide to trust in the benevolence of Mother Nature and go back walking to Ruby's parlour, it'll take only 20 minutes after all even if I'm tired because I didn't sleep well last night. Despite I was laughing with my girlfriend and later slept hugging her warm body, the Malleus Maleficarum turned my dreams into nightmares about witches being tortured and burnt alive that felt very real to me, so much that I started tossing and turning nonstop and Ruby had to wake me up because I was kicking her. I managed to sleep for some more hours but, when the alarm went off, I had to crawl out of bed and had two coffees and toasts with jam till I gathered enough energy to get dressed. Morgan looked at me worried when I left the apartment but I couldn't postpone my shopping morning because we're leaving tomorrow.
TWENTY-ONE (Iselen POV)
Start from the beginning
