The God Of Surprises

11 - The Sadness

*Y/N'S POV*

"I won't forgive what they took from Nathan." Bucky spoke, looking at the ground. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was avoiding looking at me and it made my heart ache.

"I'm going to go for a walk." He stood. "I need to clear my head. I have my phone." He leaned down to kiss my cheek. I wanted to cry Don't go, stay here. But he seemed determined and I know better than to interrupt him when he needs his space.

"Stay safe. I love you." I managed to push the words out of my mouth.

He replied with an emotionless face. "I love you." I didn't miss the lack of the word "too."

I sighed when he left. I got the overwhelming feeling that I didn't know where we stood anymore. I felt Loki shift next to me and I realized he was likely feeling the same emotion. How did I get here? How did I get back here? But even deeper in, my children...

Thor suddenly rose from his chair. "I will tell all of Asguard that you have returned, and we will be ready to fight. Will the Avengers be accompanying us as well?" He looked to me.

"The only person I've told that Loki was back is Sam, but I'm sure once they all know of the situation, yes. They will."

Thor nodded. "Then I must go prepare. Brother," he turned to Loki. "I cannot express how pleased I am you're alive."

Loki stood and to mine and Thor's surprise, wrapped his arms around his brother and hugged him. Thor's face lit up as he returned the hug.

"I've missed you, Thor." Loki smiled as he pulled away. Thor replied only with a big grin as he walked out of my house. There was a boom and a flash of light, and we knew he was gone.

"That was very big of you." I spoke, still sitting on the couch. I moved over so he could sit and we could look at each other.

Loki took the hint and sat down, turning his body to me. "Yes, well. I've had a lot of time to think about everything. About if I could return, what I would do, what I would say. Truthfully, that was all that held me together." He gave me a smile that didn't meet his eyes.

I reached out and grabbed his hands. "You're okay, you're here now."

"Y/N, I need to tell you this before I lose my nerve. I love you, I have always loved you, every minute I was gone I thought of you. I longed for you. I would do anything to be yours once more. I expect nothing from you. I do not expect the feelings to be the same for you, you've moved on. He is... a good man. This is a good family you've created. But years of torture, I could live with. I could not live with myself if I wasn't honest with you."

I stared at him as I held his hands in mine. I replayed the words in my head after he finished and I couldn't believe it. I opened my mouth to reply but then quickly shut it again. What would I say to that? What could I say to that? My heart was so broken when I lost him, my Loki. And yet Bucky had been the one to put it together. And he was my Bucky. I loved him before Loki and I even began. It was almost instant. But Loki... I grew to love him. And then I had to mourn that love, and then raise a child who I saw him in every day. I raked my brain for the words to say when the door opened and in walked Bucky.

He stood in the doorway and looked between Loki and I, our hands still intertwined. I watched as his body tensed up before he cleared his throat and spoke. "Tony called. He knows, ish. Not the full story. But I do think we should go see them, especially if we're going to fight. We'll need all the help we can get."

I nodded and pulled my hands away from Loki. "You're right. I'll go get ready. Um, Buck? Do you have anything Loki could wear? He probably needs a shower too." Bucky nodded and I smiled. "Thanks, babe." He returned the smile after I used the pet name he adored. I made my way to my bedroom to get clothes ready.