Saving Natasha

PART 105: THUNDER

NATASHAS POV

I froze, my hand stilled in midair reaching out towards the coffee. My heart rate doubled and then slowed right down, the sound radiating in my ears. I felt the blood drain from my face. I felt sharp pains in my chest, it felt like.......like my heart was breaking.

"I thought you would be happy to know. I reached out to her mother, she should be here in like an hour" Tony was oblivious to my reaction.

"I-I-I am happy, I uh I just have to....check something" I rushed out of the kitchen, but I couldn't make it to my room. I retreated to Ava's room and curled up into a small ball. My tears came quickly and quietly. I wanted to fold in on myself. I wanted to disappear. I want to stop feeling, stop crying, stop breaking down like this. She was never mine to lose.

I was pulled out of my emotional state when I got an alert from Jarvis that Avery was crying. I dried my eyes and walked over to the nursery. Avery was crying loudly, I was surprised I hadn't heard her from Avas room. She was standing up in the cot, hanging onto the railings. When she saw me walk in she reached out her arms, wanting me to pick her up.

"N-n-n-n" she tried to call me but it kept getting interrupted by quick breaths as she got more and more worked up. She gave up trying to say my name, reverting to something simpler

"Momma!!" She cried. I froze again. Holding Avery half way out of her crib.

"Momma" she wailed again. It broke me. I held her close and slid down to the floor. Crying uncontrollably while rocking Avery.

We cuddled and cried together. Avery settled slightly. Her voice was thick with tears and her eyes were red and puffy. Her hair was damp from a mixture of sweat and tears. The were still a steady flow of tears falling down her face but she was no longer wailing.

Dark clouds roll in and distant thunder claps. Avery jumped slightly and hid her face in my neck, murmuring the same word over and over 'mommy'. Every time she said it, it broke my heart, again and again and again. I was stupid to believe I would be able to keep her, to call her mine.......a pipe dream.

I cuddled her closer inhaling her talcum powder smell for what might be the last time.

Every time the thunder boomed Avery would jump and try to borrow further into my arms. What could I do but sit there and hold her close to me while we cried. I heard the bang as the door was thrown open but I had just assumed it was more thunder, soon to be followed be a sharp flash of light.

So when Steve picked me up, I yelped, not expecting it. Avery started suckling on my collar bone as she became more and more frightened. It crushed my already broken heart into a fine powder. I could hear her mumble, 'mama' every now and then, but other than that she was silent, we all were.

Steve tries to say something, but is interrupted by a large roll of thunder.

He carries us down the hall to our room. He sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around me. We stayed cuddled together for as long as we could, for as long as we were allowed.