Save You #2

13| Therapy

"Well, you thought I was taking a nap, and I actually did, but when I woke up, you were still drawing and I couldn't take my eyes off you, so I pretended to be asleep while, in reality, I secretly kept watching you," Zach answers softly, causing me to giggle and open my eyes again.

"You are an idiot!" I state, sniffing quietly.

"An idiot?" Zach laughs and raises his eyebrows.

"Yea, an idiot! I hate it when people watch me drawing," I fire back and can't help but laugh along.

After a moment of silently smirking at each other, Zach's expression becomes more serious again.

"What is it that keeps you from drawing, Liv?" he asks. "It's because of your father, right?"

Biting on the inside of my lip, I nod and look down.

"He was the one who first encouraged me to make something out of my drawing skills," I admit barely audible. "It was after his rehab when he gave me money to participate in a proper drawing course. I loved it and that was the time I started soaking in everything I could about painting. Every drawing technique, everything about the influence of different colors on us humans, I wanted to know it all. After the accident, I tried drawing again, but every time I took a pencil or a brush in my hand, I felt like I was doing this for my father. Whenever I made a new attempt of creating any kind of art, the face of my father popped up in my head, and so, I eventually stopped drawing for good."

When I look up, Zach's warm gaze rest on me and I can see empathy and understanding in his eyes.

"Until the day Jack fired me, I haven't drawn a single time. I simply banned all the sorrowful thoughts and memories from my past out of my head and avoided everything what could bring back any of my old, painful feelings."

"Liv...," Zach pauses and thinks for a second. "Don't you think drawing could help you to process your past? You know, suppressing your feelings is never a good thing. Take that from somebody who did this his whole life at expert-level. The first time I showed how I really felt, was with you, Liv. And suddenly it was somehow easy for me to let out my emotions. I used to be this unapproachable, careless, and reckless guy who didn't give a fuck about ridiculous things like feelings, love, or sympathy. Sometimes when I was totally wasted and all by myself, I was thinking about my mum and those were the only times I got really sad, but I always pushed that kind of emotions away. Until you. With you I just couldn't ignore or bottle up the feelings I developed anymore and it's fucking liberating."

I stand still, watching Zach, and intently listen to his words. The way he's talking about his feelings towards me makes my heart leap and knowing that meeting me has made him face his emotions feels good. It shows how much he cares for me which gives me a nice feeling of security.

"I don't know if I can do that, Zach," I breathe after a minute. A shudder creeps through my body and of course, Zach notices.

"Just think about it, Liv," he states and puts his beanie back on before grabbing my hand. "Now, let's head back! You're freezing."

The rest of the day, Zach doesn't bring up that topic again, and I'm damn glad about it. My mind is filled with it anyways and I can't concentrate on anything else. What if Zach is right? The idea of processing my past and my mental injuries through art won't leave my head. I guess, I could at least give it a try. We'll see.

***

Zach's POV

I'm scared as fuck right now. Scared that Liv will run away fuming mad once she sees what I've set up for her in my living room. I know it's a bit risky and maybe even slightly intrusive, but I can't help feeling the need to pull her out of that state of denial and repression she's in at the moment.