FREAKS (mikasa)

14. not allowed

w// homophobia; anxiety

𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐒

FRIDAY 8:30 PM

going into the kitchen to get some water you saw your mom typing in the computer at the table.

"oh hey, when'd you get home?" you asked, opening the fridge

"like at 5." she replied, your eyes widened. the cold air from the refrigerator made you feel chills.

she probably heard us

"oh." you closed the door and opened your bottle of water, you started to walk back to your room before she stopped you.

"are you and mikasa...you know. dating?"she looked up from typing.

your anxiety shot through the roof, being caught off guard.

oh fuck

"n-no...why?" you tried to remain calm

"i saw you two on top of each other when i came home...i got worried."

"worried about what?"

"y/n you know i don't allow that in my house. when you move out you can make any choices you want to but as long as you're in my house you know i'm not tolerating that."

"i was tickling her...she's my friend. i'm sorry." you kept your voice stable.

we're not a thing...but it's not a choice-

"just be careful, i was shocked she'd even let you get on top of her. she was raised better than that."

"mom we're friends-." you said shakily from anger and anxiousness "we were just playing around, i-i'm sorry." you continued walking to your room

if i keep going then maybe she'll stop talking to me

"okay, i really hope you're not going down that path, y/n. it'd be disappointing to see that everything i tried to protect you from was all for nothing. i don't wanna have to disown the only daughter i love. i love you a lot. don't be like your sister." you heard your mom's voice from the kitchen loud and clear

your hand on your doorknob of your room door, your heart stopped hearing that sentence.you felt your eyes burning with tears. you went in your room and locked the door, your breathing becoming fast irregular.

NOW PLAYING: BLANK - GLARE

you became dizzy from the hyperventilating. hearing her talk to you like that triggered all the anxiety from years ago. it was almost like your 14 year old self took over your body again.

a lump formed in your throat before a sob escaped from your mouth. you sat on your bed and tried to take deep breaths like everyone always says to do.

breathe.

breathe- why am i even doing this, this shit never works.

you gave up on deep breaths and let out a few more sobs. it felt like the walls were closing in on you almost. your hands shook as you put one over your mouth and one over your stomach to try and get yourself to calm down and to make sure no sound came from you. it didn't work.

sasha✂️
is calling...

they call at the worst fucking times i swear

you sniffed before wiping your eyes with your wrist and answering the phone.

"connie, mikasa and i wanted to know if you would be down to go back to santa monica for the weekend. we found a air bnb for like 100 bucks." sasha said

"yeah." you said, your voice sounding nasally from crying

"cool, do you want us to come pick you- are you okay?"

"y-yeah, i'll come to you, i'm packing now." you said rushing to get off the phone

"y/n is everything alr-."

call ended
0:18

you quickly grabbed one of your old backpacks and packed a few things for the weekend.

i have to get the hell out of here

wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, you continued to get your things.

why would she even bring up my sister...

you were 6 and she was 16 when your family cut off your sister, you don't remember much from that day. just that she was screaming and crying. the last thing she said to you was "i'm sorry i couldn't be there for you, n/n."

nobody would talk about her, and there was no way you could find out about her. that was until you found her on facebook 2 years ago. you'd been in touch with her ever since but of course you wouldn't tell your family about that.

mikasa👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
sasha said u sounded
like u were crying

what's wrong

im fine

allergies

you didn't sound like you
had allergies when i was there-
read 8:58 pm

after packing your bags for this weekend, you changed into some jean shorts and a black crop top. you got a glimpse of yourself in your mirror and froze, seeing your eyes so puffy and the mascara running down your face.

holy shit...i knew it was bad but i didn't think it was this bad

i'll just wipe it off in the car.

turning off your projector and lights you left your room.

"where are you going?" your mom asked, seeing you fast walking to the door. she was still at the kitchen table

fuck

"to sasha's, she's having a sleepover." you lied, not facing her so she wouldn't see that you'd been crying

"at 8pm?" she states deadly

"yeah, she just called. i should get going." you had your hand on the door knob, your car keys jingling in your hand.

"don't tell me this is about what i said to you, is it?"

....

"no? we're just going hang out, her dad made us dinner." you said in your normal voice, your breathing started picking up, but you were good at hiding it.

"okay...tell her parents i said hello then!"

"of course, bye mom." you said leaving. once the door closed behind you, you began shaking.

oh my god-