One in a Million

72.

She gulps, of course, she had anticipated it already and she knew she did him wrong. The calmness in his tone only adds to her fright but she cannot complain and no right to do so.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to tell you. I've been contemplating many times but my hesitations lead me to this."

"We both can agree that it is just a lame excuse, Jihyo. Do you even plan to tell me in the first place?"

She ought to get mad, he's doubting her but can she blame him? Does she have to blame him? No.

"I do, of course. I know, it's lame and sounds insincere so I won't save myself for making another excuse. But at least believe me that I have no plans of keeping it from you."

"That's why you let me know a day before your flight."

She winced. Yeah, he's being salty and she cannot help it. She reaches for his hand to hold, suddenly craves for a response, maybe to assure her that he's not mad or something but he didn't respond at all. She bit her lips to stop herself from pouting like a pitiful child.

"When will you come back?"

He asked after a long silence.

"I'll be there for the whole semester so six months at most."

"Six months..."

He trailed off while nodding his head and becomes quiet again. Suga thought of multiple curse words inside his head but he chooses to clenched his jaw instead to avoid yelling or saying words that later he might regret. 

Six months isn't that long especially for someone like him who lives in a full day schedule every day but she's leaving Korea. Being around Seoul and living outside the country is a way too different situation. Their relationship is already suffering from having no chance to meet, what more if she leaves for abroad? Manhattan?! Now they need to consider not only the distance but also the time. It'll be harder to match each other's free time if even their timezone is opposite from each other. What to do now? He didn't know either.

"(sigh) How am I supposed to send you off, JIhyo? You didn't even give me enough time to prepare myself."

"I'm sorry, it's my fault."

She pulls him for a hug, probably to avoid looking at his eyes full of pain. The look on his face is like a  déjà vu of the past when she rejected him, only more intense. She looks up to stop her tears from falling.

"It happens all of a sudden. I didn't know I'm going to pass the exam too. I'm just being hopeful at that time and when I did, for a moment I was in a state of denial."

"..."

"When it starts to sink in, many thoughts come to my mind. About why do I want it, can I live abroad alone? What about my friends? My family? What about you... about us? I have all of those inside my head, Yoongi. Please believe me, okay?"