Keeping Secrets

I need a do-over

PEYTON

There were young, college-aged people - like me - milling around everywhere near the campus center. The weather was seasonal for late August in South Carolina, hot and sunny. The students had dressed accordingly; various short shorts and tanks for the girls, and athletic shorts and t-shirts for the boys.

We - and by that I mean my mom and me - drove slowly past the crowds, trying to avoid hitting any of the more careless students as they crossed the street without paying too much attention to the cars trying to get through. It was move-in day for the college freshmen and the campus was buzzing with activity.

"You need to make sure you watch where you're going, Peyton," my mom commented in her familiar judgmental tone, even though I was sitting in the car next to her, watching the same thing she did.

"I can't believe all these kids are walking like they own the damn street, without a care in the world. This is an actual street, you know," she lectured like I'd thought anything different. "Not just some college walkway that gives preference to students on foot. You actually have to pay attention."

"Yeah mom, I know."

"I'm just saying this isn't like high school. There are over thirty thousand students at this place and they all seem to think they are invincible..."

That wasn't true. The campus was crowded, but it was far from full. The upperclassmen moved in later in the week.

My mom shook her head and continued to mutter something under her breath, but I ignored it and turned my focus back to the view outside. Majestic buildings with perfectly manicured lawns lined the street across from the campus. Many of them had Greek letters above the doors. Even though I had absolutely no idea what they meant, I knew it symbolized some kind of sorority or fraternity.

The area was beautiful. We had visited the University for a tour before I got accepted, but I hadn't paid too much attention to the space surrounding the campus. I'd been too busy imagining what it would feel like to attend the school. To get out of our small town...

The campus had an old world feel with its mature trees, cobblestone lined walkways and brick buildings. There were some newer buildings too, especially the science and engineering ones, but they were tastefully constructed and somehow fit in with the rest of the area.

The dorm rooms and the library were a little outdated, but they were charming. A little different from the cookie-cutter ones I had seen at other campuses, and that was one of the things that had made me choose this school.

My mom continued her rampage about the dangers of college life and I tuned her out. I'd heard it all before - many times- and knew from experience that she'd continue to complain and stress over everything that was going on around us, especially if I acknowledged it. It was what she did when she felt overwhelmed, and me moving into a college dorm was clearly out of her element.

She had been a stay-at-home mom for most of her adult life. Her days comprised cooking, cleaning, and caring for her family. School drop off and pickups, scheduling play dates when we were younger, and shuttling to soccer and football practices for me and my brother as we got older.

I understood that this was all new to her. It was new to me too. My mom had never gone to college, and since I was her oldest child, I was also the first one to leave. She wasn't used to change and was never one to step up and take charge on her own. She left that up to my dad.

He, on the other hand, had no problem bossing people around and telling them what to do. He was always busy. Even today. Me getting dropped off at college couldn't interfere with his important job. He was on a flight to Indianapolis for another one of his conferences.