The Devil's Trap

41.

I didn't dare to move after hearing those words being said out loud, the surprising thing was that I didn't hear Lucas say anything, and after moments of silence I turned to look at him, he looked confused, then shocked and angry, he lifted his eyes not to look at me, but to look at Alice.

Did he figure it out? I kept asking myself.

Without saying a word he left the house, got in his car, and left, I couldn't figure out whether to be grateful or scared. 

I forced a smile on my face and walked to my daughter who was waiting for me to celebrate her birthday with her. I could tell that Noah knew that something was wrong but he didn't say anything, and I didn't say a word, not until the end of the party.

Alice was so tired after the party so I put her to sleep in her bed then I went down to the living room, where Noah was sitting.

"Hey," he said

"Hi"

"Did she sleep?" 

"Yeah, since she was up all day, in git so tired"

"I didn't want to say anything in front of anyone, but when you came here I saw Lucas coming after then he left, is everything okay, why did he come here?"

"I couldn't find a taxi, then he insisted to drive me home, and when he came here he saw there was a party going on, I was about to make him leave when  Tania invited him in and he took the opportunity to ask about Alice's age and..." I took a long breath in, and as of longed for air, I was frustrated. "I'm afraid he figured it out, I mean if he knows her age it won't take a genius to figure out what I had been hiding, god I should've thrown myself out of that car."

"Em, I know you're scared right now, but you know that a lie like this one can't be hiding forever, if not now then later, and Alice has the right to have a father just like any other girl" 

"Alice does have a father she has you"

"As much as I'm delighted and honored that you would think, that puts me even more into a position where I have to think about the best thing for Alice, and the best thing would be to have both her mother and her father." That's Noah for you, the honorable, gentleman the father figure for my daughter, and the best friend and partner I could ask for, and as much as I want to deny what he says I couldn't help but to think that he was right.

"I don't know what to think right now, and I'm too tired of thinking" thinking did really exhaust me both physically and mentally.

"Then you better go catch some sleep, and don't you think that I didn't notice how you were working like crazy all week along, I can tell there's something else bothering you but  I won't ask, you tell me when you feel like it."

One more thing I liked about Noah was that he never pushes me, he gives me the time and the space that I need. And he was right I was feeling cranky and annoyed all week because of that conversation I had with Lucas in my office, I was mad at both him and me. But I couldn't tell Noah, mostly because I was feeling ashamed of myself, because, after everything that I've been through because of Lucas, his words still affected me.

I should be hating him, disgusted by him, but I can't help but remember how much in love I was with him.

I went to my room as Noah suggested, and tried getting some sleep, with thoughts of both Noah and Lucas invading my mind and even my dreams.

It felt like someone was calling me, but I didn't want to respond, leave me alone, I thought.

But the voice didn't stop, I opened my eyes to the sound of my phone ringing.

Who the hell is calling me... AT THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

I answered 

"Emily" came the voice that I would recognize anywhere.

How does he have my number? and most importantly why is he calling me at this hour?

"Lucas?" 

"I need to speak to you" he sounded... Desperate.

"can't we do this at a reasonable hour?" I hated when people woke me up.

"No, I can't wait. I'm outside, waiting for you" 

Wait for what?

"huh, fine. I'm coming"

I put on the first shirt and pants I could find since I was wearing only short pajamas, and got out of the house.

Lucas has parked two houses far from mine, he was sitting inside his car. When he saw me coming, he unlocked the car and let me inside.

"What are you doing here Lucas?" was my first question, but I had a pretty good answer for that.

"You know why I'm here" he didn't look at me.

"I don't know what you mean, and besides you can't just call me at three in the morning and ask to talk to me, and where did you get my number in the first place-"

"Is she my daughter?" the question felt like an ice bucket pouring all over me.

"What? " I tried to keep my composure.

"Stop avoiding my question, and answer me for fuck sake"He looked at me for the first time.

"you can't just show up after god knows how long and ask me this, you have no right" I tried leaving the car but he held my arm tight.

"She's my daughter isn't she?" I couldn't deny it anymore, I mean what's the point, he could learn the truth in another way,  there's no point in hiding it anymore.

"Why does it matter?" I asked, taking my eyes off him, thinking about my sleeping Alice.

"Of course it fucking matters, she's my daughter and I have the right to know that"

"Alice was doing just fine all this time, no need to change anything"

"yeah, doing just fine, calling that fucker, dad, instead of me. How can you hide this from me? how could you do this to me?"

Anger rose inside of me. He was accusing me?

"Oh you're the last fucking person on earth who can ask that question, it's all because of you and you have the audacity and fucking accuse me? did you take a look at yourself in the mirror?" I couldn't control myself and my words any further, words that  I had been wanting to say to him all this time, found their way out. "Alice doesn't need a cheater and a liar as a father, she has a far better one".

with those words I left the car, I could tell I went too far this time, but he had no right accusing me and Alice can do just fine without him.