mute // cake

13: Punch

I walked out of my mom's car and into school, trying to not think about seeing Calum in class soon. After our phone call... I'm not sure he wanted to see me. I'm not sure I wanted to see him. He rejected me. It hurt. I wasn't even into him and it hurt.

Okay, I'm a little into him.

I'm not sure what is going on. I offered to try dating him. Why? I'm going crazy, I must be.

But I don't know if I want to see Calum. He hurt me, my chest was in physical discomfort after the phone call. He pretty much told me "no Luke I don't want to date you sorry I kissed you its just because you're nice I don't actually like you".

No, he said he liked me. He told me he liked me. But he doesn't want to date me.

Why not?

I walked into class and saw Calum already there. I didn't say hi, just sat down next to him. As expected, he didn't say anything.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye all of class. I purposefully didn't looks at him at all. I wanted him to know I was pissed. Why? I don't know.

At the end of class, Calum shot out of his seat and left before I even had my bag closed. Apparently he's pissed I'm pissed.

I saw Ashton in choir. I explained why I was grounded and why he couldn't drive me to school today. It was kind of humiliating, being treated like a 6 year old from my mom.

At lunch, Calum had his music in and didn't look at me once. Now I was the one looking at him. I wish I had my phone so I could text him and talk to him like that. I don't think he would have responded though.

At the end of the day, Calum didn't even wave goodbye to me. He just left.

I felt like crying.

How, in one night, did I loose my freedom and my best friend?

I went to my mom's classroom for her to drive me home. Someone else was in there.

"Luke, come in," my mom said. "We were just finishing up."

The principle was in there. Was my mom in trouble? I didn't really care though, my mind was preoccupied by why Calum was giving me the silent treatment. It was like a punch in the stomach- first he tells me he doesn't want to date me when I pretty much asked him out, then he doesn't acknowledge my existence. I guess I only have myself to blame for this, I'm the one who said I wasn't gay.

But... I'm not.

"Oh, hello Luke. How are you liking school," the principal asked.

I shrugged. "Better then my old one," I said, thinking about what it means to be gay. I can be straight but want to date Calum, right?

"Glad to hear that! Liz, I'll see you later?"

She nodded. "Yes, thank you for this, Jeff," she said, her hand on some papers.

Jeff. Wait. He's the one from the phone.

The principle walked out, and I sat down in a desk. "Mom. Ew."

She blushed. "What," she asked, like she had no idea.

"You're boning the principal," I blurted out, immediately regretting it after the words left my mouth.

"Lucas! You- what- how did- Lucas Robert- I- I-- Get out of here," she yelled at me.

I did just that- I left, running to the parking lot. Calum's car was still in its spot, but he was no where to be seen. I waiting against it, looking around for him.

Eventually, he was walking towards his car with his eyes in his phone, headphones in.

"Calum," I said. He couldn't hear me. "Calum," I repeated louder. Didn't even look up.

I put my hands on his shoulders and he jumped back, hitting my arms away from him. Then his hand moved to my face- and a sharp pain in my nose was followed by warmth. Blood.

When he recognized me, he pulled out his headphones. His mouth was open, silent.

I put my hands around my nose, trying to stop the blood flow.

Calum touched my hands, and then went into his car and handed me a tissue.

"Jesus Christ Calum, look at someone before you punch them in the face next time," I said.

He just kept handing me tissues.

After a few minutes of silence and bloody tissues, my nose stopped bleeding. It was just very sore. Hopefully wasn't broken.

"Fucking shit, Calum," I said. "You have one strong punch."

He muttered something too quiet for me to hear, obviously I wasn't supposed to.

"Um, can you drive me home," I asked.

He nodded. I got in.

"Sorry, my mom was going to but- she... She can't," I said. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why I said what I did. It just, slipped out. You're boning the principal. Stupid, why did I even say that? Now I'll be grounded until I graduate.

Calum drove me home silently. I didn't speak either, just looked out the window and listened to his music. I didn't know the song or the artist. I was left alone, to my thoughts, and as much as I would have liked Calum to talk to me I enjoyed the privacy.

"Thanks," I said when I left. He nodded.

I went inside, thankful my mom wasn't home yet. When she did get home, I was done what I needed to do. I went upstairs and got my old case that my IPhone came in. Inside was my secret stash of things my parents would disown me if they found. I checked to make sure mum's car wasn't in the driveway, then climbed out my window and onto the roof.

I went to the bathroom window. Mum has this thing outside it that she grows flowers in during the spring and the summer, but right now it only has some leaves in it. Mum wouldn't be planting any flowers in the next week, right? It was mid March, surely it was too early.

I put my box in and covered it up with leaves again. Can't even tell its there.

I climbed back into my room and closed my window. I pulled out my school things for the first time since my first day, and started my homework.

A few minutes later, I heard my mom's car door close. She walked in, took off her coat, went to the kitchen. Her footsteps became louder again, and she went up the stairs. I held my breathe as she came to my door, then passed.

"Yes," I whispered. Seems she didn't want to see me.

Probably has to get ready for her date.

I stopped doing my homework, thinking about Calum. I couldn't focus on graphing polynomial functions- I was too focused that Calum wasn't talking to me.

Did I do something?

Obviously I did something.

Was it asking him out?

Probably.

Why did I do that?

Because you like him.

Does that mean I'm gay?

...yes.

I can't be gay though. I just can't. But it seems like I am... But, am I? I like one guy, have one little crush. That doesn't qualify me as gay.

And girls are hot too. I like to look at them, flirt with them. I've kissed a few girls before. They weren't too bad, but I didn't really like it. The whole eating your face thing gets old and gross. When Calum kissed me, that was something else. We weren't making out. It's understandable why I liked that more.

Do I like.... Guys sexually?

I thought about it. I mean, they weren't bad. I wouldn't mind getting into bed with Calum.

Oh god.

I'm gay.