mute // cake

10: Not Talking

Ever since I got this idea of Calum liking me in my head, I haven't been able to get it out. All I can think about is every look, every touch, every word. The last isn't too hard to remember.

It seemed the more I thought about it, the more crazy and made up it seemed. But all the same... I kind of hoped it was true.

How do you know if you're gay?

Do you wake up one morning, and have this feeling in your chest- or you lower region- that you like guys? Or do you never know until you meet that one guy and you're like "holy shit"?

I didn't move from my bed until mum called me downstairs. I was contemplating what it meant to be gay. Maybe I would ask Calum how he knew. Maybe that would be too obvious.

Maybe I was losing my mind. One minute I'm perfectly normal Luke, finally having friends. Then they mention Calum's gay and boom- I like him, he likes me, I'm suddenly gay.

That's not how it works. You don't just gay in a minute. Do you? I don't know- I'm losing my mind.

I went downstairs and saw spaghetti and bread and meatballs already on the table, ready to be eaten.

"What time is Calum getting here?"

The doorbell rang.

"Now."

I quickly tried to fix my hair as I walked to the door. The sight of Calum, who changed into a nice dress shirt and khakis, made my heart race.

Introductions and about twenty "nice to meet you"s later, we were all seated at the table. Calum to my right, Mali Koa to my left. The adults were talking about the town, the good places to buy which things, the weather, school- I wasn't really listening. Calum was silent the entire time. He didn't even speak to say hello to my mom.

"Luke, how are you liking the move," Mrs. Hood asked me.

"Oh uh very good. I love it here," I said with a smile. My mom smiled back.

"Better then Australia," she asked.

I looked to Calum. "Way better then Australia."

I was losing it.

I looked to my left, seeing Mali Koa watching me. When I made eye contact with her, she looked down at her plate of food, smiling and blushing.

Oh boy.

-----

After dinner, the parents kicked the three of us out of the kitchen, and honestly, I was thankful. I wanted to talk to Calum and casually ask how he knew he was gay.

Although, it didn't seem like a conversation topic around Mali Koa.

Mali Koa and I were talking, Calum silently listening, almost until they had to leave. When Mali Koa excused herself to go to the bathroom, I turned to Calum.

"So you're still not talking," I asked.

He shook his head. "Only around you," he whispered.

I smiled. My heart warmed. I felt pretty special.

Another reason added to my list of why he likes me. And another thing to analyze later.

"Why don't you talk?"

Calum looked away, across the room.

"It's a long story," he whispered.

Mali Koa walked towards us. No time to ask about... The gay thing.

"Long story for another day?"

Calum shrugged.

Mali Koa sat between us and continued talking. You couldn't get Calum to talk, and you couldn't get Mali Koa to stop talking. I thought back to my mom telling me to 'get to know Mali Koa'. Oh, mum, I got to know Mali Koa. Everything about her. Her music career, her plans to audition for the voice, what song she would sing, what she would wear, her school studies. Her plans after college. Everything.

I almost cheered when their parents came into the room announcing they were leaving. Mali Koa hugged me.

"It was so nice to meet you," she said.

"You too," I said politely.

Calum and I exchanged an awkward high five. He seemed to want to say something, his eyes asking me something. I couldn't tell what he meant.

"Text me?"

He nodded.

I helped mum clean up after dinner, answering her questions about Mali Koa and Calum's family with one word answers. I was finally saved when my phone started ringing.

It was Ashton.

"Where the hell are you?"

I looked around. "My kitchen."

"Why aren't you at my house? FIFA?"

Shit. I had forgot about that with Calum's family coming over for dinner.

"Is Calum there," I asked.

Ashton laughed. "Why, you have a crush?"

I blushed. "No."

Ashton spoke to someone off the line. "He's coming. Are you?"

I looked to my mom. "Yeah. Fifteen minutes."

"Hurry up."

I hung up, looking at my mom who was washing the dishes.

"Mum, can you drive me to Ashton's house? They boys are playing FIFA."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "I'm in the middle of something. Maybe after." Which means no.

I went upstairs and turned on my music. I almost didn't notice my phone buzzing. Calum texted me.

You going to Ashton's tonight?

I sighed. Not unless I can get a ride

Calum responded in less then five seconds.

I'll pick you up.

-----

While I waited for Calum to come, I sat in my room and thought. About... Everything. Overthinking, overanalyzing. Everything.

"Okay," I spoke to myself in the mirror. "Reasons Calum would like me."

I put up one finger. "Only talks around me." Another. "Flirts." I put down that finger. "At least I think he flirts."

I laid on the bed. "Reasons he doesn't like me. I'm overthinking everything. I'm not gay, so why does it matter?

Oh, but it does matter.

Because... If Calum likes me... The truth is... I like him too.