My Client the Rockstar (Book 2 Steel Wolf Collection)

Chapter 10

He squeezes my hand. "I'm sorry for making you life even more difficult at the time. If I has known," his words trail off.

"If you would have known you still would have acted the same way. Don't kid yourself." I add in a lightness to my voice so he didn't think I was still mad at him for the way he acted in the beginning. I had forgiven him a long time ago.

"Sad, but true," he admits resting his head on top of mine.

"This is where Lucan comes in and the reason why he knows all of this and you didn't. I can promise you if it wasn't for my ex calling him and demanding Steel Wolf drop me as well I never would have opened up to Lucan." At my words Ryder drops my hand to wrap an arm around me and pulls me tighter against his side as though he was afraid I would run away from him. Little did he know I was tried of running.

His voice takes on a gruffness while he speaks. "I vaguely remember Lucan mentioning something about some guy calling to encourage us to seek a new manager." Ryder glances out into the distance. "But I was too deep down the rabbit hole in the world of drugs and alcohol back than to pay too much attention to what was going on. I had faith in that Lucan would never take us down the wrong path."

I remember just how dark that path was for Ryder. At the time no matter what we tried nothing would pull him from the darkness. Not even him almost dying numerous times convinced him this was a path he wanted off. My heart skips a beat at each memory I have of almost losing him.  I will never forget the sight of him sprawled out on the bathroom floor or the many conversations doctors had with me explaining how close we had come to losing him.

He had no care for what he was doing to the people around him. All he cared about was chasing the next high. This had placed a major strain on his relationships with the people around him. No one wanted to be around him when he wasn't himself. Including me.  

The guys also threatened dropping him from the band tell he cleaned up his act. Sure all the guys at one point or another experimented with the world of drugs, but none of them fell down the rabbit hole like Ryder. Mason came close and I believe he still experiments. The other for the most part have left that life and changed their ways. 

At first he did a decent job hiding his actions from me, but eventually he slipped up and I started to notice something was off with him. He would have these terrible mood swings that would leave someone with worse whip lash then a car accident. He would go on binders that the band wouldn't hear from him for days, which made recording their first album difficult. But then he would be the normal Ryder I was use to dealing with.

Looking back now I can clearly see the signs for what they were, but while living through it I was blind. I hate myself for not seeing them sooner than I did because I always wonder if I had noticed sooner what could have been different. Linger in the world of what if isn't going to change anything.

My mind wonders to the moment that was his turning point to make a change. 

Lucan called all of us together under the guise of a family meeting, but in reality this was an intervention for Ryder. A few days ago he had once again been in the hospital for an overdose, but this time was different. Once again another doctor pulled me and Lucan to the side to explain the seriousness of the situation we were in. 

He had explained that he felt Ryder would not pull through another overdose. That if he didn't gain control of his addiction we would lose him. The doctor was actually shocked Ryder wasn't already just another statistic. When we heard that Lucan and I shared a look in understanding we needed to do something before he was lost forever. 

The band and myself were here waiting on Ryder to join us. Since right after a hospital visit he tended to be more responsible so we all knew he would make an appearance. We were all early because each of us were worried about how he would react. 

Finally there was a knock at the door. Lucan glances around at all of us and we each nod indicating that we were as ready as we can be. He heads towards the door and opens it to find Ryder waiting on the other side of the door.

The two of them join us in Lucan's family room. Ryder glances at each of our somber expressions. He tries to meet his eyes with mine, but I continue to glance down at my hands.

His eyes shift around. "This isn't a family meeting is it?" Ryder might be a lot of things, but being nonobservant is not one of them.

Lucan takes a seat next to me. "Ryder sit down," he instructs.

Reluctantly Ryder slides into a seat between Dimitri and Tray. We had done that on purpose because they would be able to restrain him if necessary. Not to mention it put him directly in front of me. Due to this sitting arrangement I believe even though we have never said anything Lucan had some insight to Ryder and my relationship. 

I had tried to fight my feelings for Ryder for as long as I could, but even on his worse day I could tell how much he truly cared for me. Against my better judgement I gave into him. But I was done. In the past I had come to the conclusion I needed to walk away from him and just be his manager, but then he would do something and draw me right back in. 

Today that circle was coming to an end. Yes I cared about him and yes I was finding myself falling for him, but I couldn't do this any more. A part of me didn't want to walk away from him in fear of what he would do. I did not want any of that on my conscience, but I also could no longer live with the anxiety he was creating. Anxiety was already a long time friend of mine and I didn't need any more. 

Each of the guys went around explaining to Ryder how his addiction was effecting them and the band. I was impressed with how calm and focus they were able to stay even with emotions running high. Then again each of them had practiced with me what they were going to say. I had forced them to put their words on paper so they didn't go off on a tangent or forget to say something. 

The entire time the guys were speaking I could feel Ryder's steady gaze on me. Not once did he waver. When I finally was able to build up the courage I raised my eyes to meet his. His face was completely emotionless and I had a hard time deciphering what he was thinking. Every now and again he would cringe letting me know he was listening to their words. 

Mason finishes his letter to Ryder and now it was my turn.