Accidentally On Purpose

Chapter thirty-one~ Hollis

~5 weeks later~

I was crying in bed, like I always do now. 

I was in so much pain but I tried to distract myself. I was good during the days because I kept myself occupied. I overstimulated myself to keep the reality of everything out. But when I got home and was alone, it was bad.

I heard my door open and looked up, my vision was blurred from the tears.

"Owen?" I asked, choked up.

"Are you okay?" He asked, standing in my doorway.

I just kept crying and shaking my head. My lip was quivering.

"Why are you crying, sunshine?" He asked.

"Because I miss you, Owen. I miss you but even if I got you back, you aren't you anymore. You've changed and I've lost you. I lost the love of my life and I'm not okay anymore." I said, shaking.

He came over and laid next to me, he pulled me into his embrace and held me. He held me while I was crying my heart out.

"I'll always be here with you, Holls. I'll always be here, I just need help finding myself first. I'll always love you." He said, comforting me.

I felt the tears dropping on my cheeks, and I looked him in the eyes.

I couldn't say it back, though.

He placed his lips onto mine and everything felt fine. It felt like how it was when we just started dating. Everything felt happy.

And then I opened my eyes and pulled away and he was gone.

I was alone in my room and it took me a minute to realize it.

It was just a dream.

None of it was real.

As real as it felt, it wasn't. Just another scenario from my imagination, a hallucination. A dream.

It was just me, lying in bed, crying my heart out.

It felt like a sign, though. All the dreams I had been dreaming were nightmares. We went to the doctors a few weeks ago because they had been going in for weeks. She said it was just harmless stress dreams. 

Nothing I could do about it but just try not to stress out. Like that was gonna happen.

But this dream was a good dream. It was one where you would force yourself back to sleep to try to continue it. It was so damn amazing and real. 

I think I had to see him. I had to talk to him.

I had to give him his stuff back anyways and I wanted to mend things. After all, our moms were best friends, we had the same friend group, and he was initially my best friend before anything. Why couldn't we have that again?

It was like the dream was sending me a message. He did say, "I'll always be here with you, Holls. I'll always be here, I just need help finding myself first."

Maybe he just needed to find himself. He certainly wasn't the Owen I knew. He was skipping school and when he was there, he was drinking and was mean to everyone.

I had to see him today, I had to do it. I hated going on like this. Graduation was soon anyways and I wanted things to be as normal as they could be again.

And he even if he ignored me or was rude, I tried. At least I knew in the back of my head that I tried everything I could.

I wiped the tears off my face and picked up my phone, it was 9:30 on a Saturday. I had a whole day in front of me.