𝒆𝒗𝒂 ➙ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒘𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒔

eight

adelaine miller
TORONTO, CANADA

these past couple days, shawn has been wanting to see eva practically almost everyday, so i had to set some boundaries, he got to see her three times a week, once on a weekend — it was starting to interfere with my own schedule so it had to be done.

yesterday when shawn came over to my house to see eva, he told me that his label wants me, him and eva for a meeting to discuss this whole situation since he found out that he was eva's father.

so now, i had that added stress, great.

the meeting was on wednesday, today was monday so i had today and tomorrow to figure out exactly what i was going to say, and to also mentally prepare myself for whatever questions they asked, because i could already guess that it was going to be at the very least, personal and intrusive questions about me, also about eva.

shawn also said that i would more than likely have to bring documents to prove that eva is shawn's child — but what do i even bring? photo evidence of her as a baby? the time i found out i was pregnant? what kind of evidence would be good for a situation like this, shawn isn't on her birth certificate so i can't exactly bring that.

and it's not like shawn can take a paternity test and get it ready before the meeting.

"how you feeling?" my mother asks, i was currently in pickering, taking a day off from work so i can think through this situation.

she hands me a mug with some chamomile tea as i take a deep breath, "i don't know mom, how should i be feeling? what do i even do?" i ask her, she sighs, rubbing my back.

"i have no idea, mon ange, this is such a difficult situation i don't even want to imagine what's going through your head." she whispers.

"are you free on wednesday, can you come with me?" i ask her, looking up, "for moral support."

she nods her head, "of course babe."

my phone alarm buzzes and i look down, it was time to go pick up eva from pre-school, "ok, i'm going to head out now, but i'll be back to drop eva off." i tell my mom and she nods her head.

eva was spending the next two nights here because i needed some time to go through any and all photo evidence i have, so my mom offered to look after her, take her to pre school and everything else, which i greatly appreciated.

i also needed some time just for myself.

∎ ∎ ∎

"bye baby! be good for grandma!" i yell as i walk out my parents house after dropping off eva with a small weekender bag with everything she could need for the next two days.

"bye mommy!" i hear her giggle as i shut the door, making my way to my car and driving back home.

once i arrived home, i threw my shoes besides the door and went straight to the kitchen pouring myself a glass of white wine, then walking up to my bedroom with the glass and the bottle in my hand.

i put the bottle on my bedside table, opening one of the drawers, inside the drawer was a box with eva's name and in there was everything i could possibly use as 'evidence' and when i say everything, i do mean everything — photo records of her in the hospital, photos of her growing up, the pregnancy test i took was even in there, cleaned of course. there was also a photo with a timestamp of me with the pregnancy test.

i had nothing else that could be used, apart from a copy of her birth certificate to prove that i'm her mother, although you can tell by when you look at eva that i am her mother, she has my curls and my eyes, but shawn's face.

she was a mix between us both, it was an uncanny appearance.

my phone began to ring besides me so i pick it up, answering the call, "hello?"

"it's shawn."

i sigh quietly, "what's up?" i ask him, i didn't want to be rude to him, he's been nothing but kind and sympathetic to me, i was just getting frustrated that he wanted to be a part of eva's life — but at the same i see where he's coming from, i don't know how i feel, if i'm honest.

"oh uhm, i just wanted to call eva?" he asks.

i take a sip of my wine before answering him, "she's at my mothers house until the meeting, i just needed some time alone and to also get all the evidence i could use."

shawn sighs on the other line, "oh alright—" he begins, clearing his throat, "uhm listen, i'm sorry for what my label is making you do, to them this is standard procedure you know, they don't care if they hurt people's feelings that's just how they work, but for what it's worth, i believe you and so does my family by the way." he adds.

my eyes almost pop out of their sockets, "you told your family?" i ask him and he hums in agreement, "shawn! why would you go and do that? the reason i keep eva private to the world is because i don't want people to know!" i exclaim, getting angry as i run a hand through my hair.

"it's ok, they won't tell anyone trust me." he soothes and i roll my eyes at his attempt of calming me down.

"next time, tell me." i warn him, "and we can talk about it together."

he chuckles at my remark, "what like a family?" he asks, sounding hopeful.

"sure, you can call it that."

we talk for a little bit longer and he asks for me to send him baby pictures of eva because he wanted to see what she looked like back then so i then ended the call and did just that, finding some of the most adorable pictures of her that i forgot i had.

a short while later he replies to the images i sent him, in shock, she looked a lot like shawn as a baby, a whole lot actually. i never really paid much attention to that up until recently, because she's my daughter.

eventually after a long night of looking through anything i could possibly take with me, i pack it all into a leather bound briefcase, if i was going into this meeting, i was going professional.

then, shortly after that i go to bed after what has been a long stressful day.