This One's For You (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Chapter Twenty-One: Getting By

“I can’t believe you never told me…” Mallory wouldn’t even look at me because of the immense amount of shock she was in. “Blair he… he violated you in a way that no one should be violated.”

I let out a sigh, I was just glad that she wasn’t angry with me. “It was a long time ago and I never knew how to really tell anyone that it happened. I didn’t even tell Dallin.”

“The amount of pain you went through. Can you even imagine the post-traumatic stress you went through because of it?” Her eyes stayed away from mine, she still couldn’t look at me. Some part of me told me that she never would again. “I mean you bottled it in for how many years? Without telling anyone? Blair there’s a lot of psychological shit that you need help with.”

“You know Mallory, you really take away from your intelligence when you say something remotely smart and then ruin it with a word like ‘shit’.” I laughed as I tried to hide the hurt from her comment. I know it was hard to understand why I kept it hidden for so long but I expected a better reaction from her. The best I could do at the moment was try to ease the apparent tension that had risen in the air.

She still sensed the hurt and quickly added, “I’m sorry and I know what I said wasn’t phrased in the most caring way. It is a lot to process though.” A few static minutes passed before Mallory spoke again. “Blair… maybe you should consider therapy or hypnosis or something. I know I sound like such a bitch right now but I do want the best for you.”

“I know that Mallory and I can’t pretend like what you’ve said hasn’t hurt my feelings. But perhaps you’re right. Maybe I should find someone to talk to about it, talking with Austin and you or even Shamus isn’t going to help.” Eventually Austin would ask me the same question, saying I would see a doctor now assures Mallory and everyone else that I would actually attend a therapy meeting.

“That’s good, really good actually. I’m glad-” she cut her sentence short as she heard the front door open. The pitter-patter of paws echoed off the wood floors as Quinn practically ran around the corner and into my arms.

I let out a squeal as he licked my face with his brushed teeth. “Quinn, settle down!” What I did made no difference as he continued to squirm around on my lap. Austin followed Quinn’s path and ended up tripping over his feet.

“Damn dog jumped out as soon as I opened the door.” He laughed after he recovered from his trip.

“Well what do you expect,” I giggled as I took hold of Austin’s hand, “for Quinn to behave and be the best dog you’ve ever met?”

“Yes actually,” he smiled as he leaned down to kiss me, the heat lingering on my lips.

“Well this has been fun I gotta go, college and everything,” Mallory spat out as she jolted up from her seat and grabbed her bag, “I’ll leave you love birds to it.”

“Wow thanks hun,” I scoffed as I sat up to walk with her to her car. She could be such a butthead sometimes. Silence followed us through the door until we hit her car and I had to break it, I couldn’t stand her not talking. “I wish you could be my shrink.”

“That would be a conflict of interest,” she smiled “and I’m not licensed yet.” She then stood there, halfway in her car and halfway out, smiling slightly before she looked at me. “I’ll see you soon, and talk to Austin about therapy?”

I sighed and let out a small chuckle, “Will do, I’ll make sure I have a therapist by the end of the month.”

“Good, I’ll update Shamus on your status?”

“Yea, that’d be nice”

“Bye Blair, I’ll see you soon,” Mallory finally gave me a genuine smile and hugged me goodbye. I stood in my driveway as I watched her taillights become more distant. I felt sudden warmth wrap around my waist and hot breath hitting my neck. A blush crept onto my face as I embraced Austin’s affection.

“Hey there beautiful,” he whispered softly before planting a kiss on my neck, “are you coming inside?”

I simply nodded in response as I stood for another few second just enjoying the moment. “Austin, I’m thinking of going to a therapist.”

“After all these years?” His voice questioned me slightly.

“I know you want me to just as much as Mallory and Shamus want me to.” I replied snidely, breaking away from his arms so I could face him instead.

“Okay so maybe I do…” his voice trailed off as he blushed in embarrassment. “The only thing I’m worried about is it not helping you. All we want is the best-”

“The best for me, I know,” I giggled before planting a kiss on his lips. “Keeping it in for so long is what damaged me, I was so afraid of what people would say… what they would believe and what they wouldn’t believe…But I can’t do that to myself anymore because it’s no longer about whether or not if other people will judge me, it’s how I judge myself. I’m tired of being scared; I’m tired of failing relationships. Austin I love you, I don’t want these suppressed memories to ruin this.”

“Blair,” he chuckled as he removed a piece of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “I know, trust me, I know. And nothing will stop us, nothing has yet,” he laughed a bit louder this time, his arms holding me tighter. “How much have we been through?” he asked, his smile beamed at me. “Come on how much?”

I laughed a shook my head as I tried to conceal the blush that overtook my cheeks. “A lot,”

“A shit ton,” he corrected before kissing my forehead again. “I’m pretty positive that we have been through hell and back and I don’t think there’s anything worse.”

“Okay,” I replied kissing him quickly before breaking free from his reach and taking his hand in mine. “Through hell and back and we’re not even married.”

“Yet,” he added slyly.

“Ha!” I screeched, doubling over in an overdramatic response. “Let’s wait a few more years before marriage becomes an option, shall we love?”

“Fine, fine,” he gave in; throwing his hands into the air and then taking mine back in his. “But it will be an option?”

“In the future, yes,”

“Good,” he grinned “Now let’s go inside, I want to enjoy the closeness I have with you.”

“Fine you big baby,” I replied sarcastically as I rolled my eyes.

“Me? A big baby?” I could see the mischief in his eyes and instinct told me to run. He caught me before I could get very far. He swung my body into the air and carried me bridal style. “If I’m a big baby then I’ll whine like one unless you come and cuddle with me.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t?” I giggled as I snuggled into his chest. “Carry me inside and let’s cuddle and watch movies.”

“Sounds perfect,” his arms held me tighter as he carried me into the house. Maybe I wouldn’t get better in a few months’ time, but with effort eventually I would get better.

The greatest part is that Austin would stick with me, but this would be a cake walk considered what we have already been through earlier in our rocky relationship. I’ll get better and we will both be stronger for it. I love him and he loves me so I know in the end it will be worth it.

Eventually, in time, we might get married, and we might end up with children. Until then the best either of us can do is live for now.

~~~

So this is the last chapter. I know it has taken me so long to finish it but I do appreciate you all reading it and commenting even if some chaoter aren't a stringly written as the others. Thank you and I love you all <3