She's A Trendy Designer On Her Wrists(May Be Triggering To People Who Self Harm)

Chapter 15

I slowly wondered through the shaded corridors to the toilets. i still had tears leaking from my eyes i felt like the world was against me. there was just no point in living anymore. i didn't understand what was happening to me. was i going crazy? i mean i couldn't stop doing this terrible thing to my self. my life was just fucked up in every way possible. i simply couldn't cope with life any more. i was now sure i was going to do it there was no other way to make this all go away. i was going to do it and no one could stop me i was going to give up.

I heard footsteps coming round the corner and hid my face quickly, not wanting to see them or them to see me. I just wanted to hurry up and get to the toilets, why is the school so god damn big? "Ashley is that you?" A girls concerned voice questioned and I peered through my veil of hair to see Emily standing in front of me. I never noticed before but she's a couple of inches taller than me and with her brothel creepers she towered over me. "Uh... hi" I replied, my voice sounded shaky and I tried to hide the fact that I had been crying but it was to hard to hold back the tears. 'Oh Ashley whats wrong?' Emily said while putting her arm round my shoulder to comfort me. i felt such a warm feeling from the second she put her arm round me. 'yeah, I'm fine.' i said drying my eyes. just seeing her made me feel better and like there was hope for me

'is it-'

'yeah' i interrupted i knew exactly what she thought was wrong with me.

'oh sweetie, its going to be ok.' she said wrapping her arms around me to give me a hug. by that time i had tears streaming down my face like water running down from a waterfall.

with out thinking it came out 'i don't want to live anymore.'

'sweetie, its ok. I'm always here for you' she said.

'oh crap!' i thought to myself have i just made a big mistake by telling her that i want to kill my self. i mean what if she went and tolled some one my secret would be out the bag, i cant imagine how much it would hurt my parents.

"what is it?" she asked seeing the worried look on my face

"well I um... I kinda promised myself that I wouldn't tell anyone about me wanting to kill myself, I kinda don't want anyone else to know" I mumbled, while talking we had been heading towards the toilets which we were now inside so I knew our conversation woudn't be eaves dropped on but I checked every cubicle just in case.

"Ashley I won't tell anyone, I swear. If that's what you want I'll take it to my grave" I breathed a sigh of relief, I knew I could trust her.

"thank you"

"but Ashley look at me" she put her fingers underneath my chin to guide my head up "and listen to me. I don't know what makes you want to die, there might be more than you're telling me, more than I know. I just want you to know that I love you. From the moment I walked into that classroom and saw you for the first time my heart skipped a beat and I knew you were the one for me. As corny as it is love at first sight does exist after all. And if I'm honest even though I hardly know you I can't imagine life without you, you don't know how much better you make me feel. We may not have spoken to each other much but just seeing you lifts my spirits. You can't just leave and miss out on your future, maybe even a future with me."

i looked up into her eyes not believing what she had just said 'do u really love me?' i asked

'i wouldn't say it if i didn't.'

i was shocked that some one could actually feel that strongly about me and why they would i mean you only have to look at me to know I'm a mess.