She's A Trendy Designer On Her Wrists(May Be Triggering To People Who Self Harm)

Chapter 2

I slowly let myself sink to the cold floor, leaning against the pearly white bathroom cabinet. Hugging my knees in tight to my body the house was filled with silence apart from the steady drip of the tap. Even Jinxx was silent, seeming to anticipate what I was about to do. With every drip landing in the sink I got closer and closer. Finally I made up my mind up. I lifted the blade up, watching as the light bounced off the metal. It was quite pretty actually. Again the insults filled my brain and I realized just how much I wanted this. Hands shaking I slowly brought the razor down pressing it in hard as I slid it across my skin. I kept going on the same cut for a while, letting it get deeper and deeper. Little pools of crimson blood started to appear along the self inflicted wound and I smiled a little. This was exactly what I wanted, this made sense.

I watched as my rosy red blood streamed slowly down my arm. I got so much pleasure and satisfaction from watching the thick red blood run down my arm. I felt so much more relaxed, calm and just better in every way. I felt like all the nasty things that every one had ever said had been washed away, it was like pure magic. I sat there and thought about whether to carry on or not. I thought of how much pleasure I got from the first cut, how great would I feel if i did it again.

I was craving to do more. Without really thinking I held the blade back up tp my arm, pushing it deep into me. I felt the warm, bloody metal scrape deeper into my skin. I let out a little cry in pain but no matter how much it hurt the pain just felt so right. I'd never felt this in control before, it was great. As I cut further into the cut I watched as more and more blood poured down my arm, god it was so good. I pulled the blade away and made myself get up off the floor to get some toilet paper to wipe away the blood from my arm.

I let the blood drip as I unravelled the tissue paper, being careful to make sure I didn't get it on the floor or furniture, I didn't want to leave any traces of what i had done behind. Wiping the paper across the cuts to soak up the blood I started to regret what I had just done. I mean yeah I felt so much better in myself but how would I hide the marks? They were pretty visible- deep red lines on my fore arm. I didn't want anyone to know about this, especially not the boys who had pushed me over the edge. I guessed I could wear a hoodie until they cleared up but I'd have to be on gauard all the time. Suddenly all the emotions which cutting had tacken away attacked me again, this time with double the force. Now I really was an emo freak, just a pathetic little cutter. familiar tears sprang to my eyes as I wrapped the still bloody blade up and flushed the blood - soaked tissue. I wanted to do more but I knew my parents would be home soon so I just thrust the blade deep into my pocket for another time.