She's A Trendy Designer On Her Wrists(May Be Triggering To People Who Self Harm)

Chapter 3

I walked slowly to my room thinking about what I had just done, I really did regret it. I felt so bad about what I did. So was it really worth cutting? Well the honest answer to that is I don't know although I really did regret it it still felt so right and it was so satisfying to see the blood. Ok I didn't know whether it was worth it or not but I knew I wanted to do it again. And the fact that I did regret it didn't help me because it made me feel bad and made me want to do more. I just wanted to to do it again so badly. I mean it wouldnt hurt anyone no one knows so maybe just a little.

I guess I felt as if I deserved it it now but just as I started to reach in to my pocket I heard the jangle of keys in the front door and the muffled voices of my parents. I can't do anything now I thought as my mum called out to me.

"Ashely we're home!" she hollered and I got up, made sure I didn't look a mess, and shuffled down the stairs to greet my parents. I put on a false smile as I answered dads question of 'how was your day?' and all the while my mind was on the wounds covered by my Black Veil Brides hoodie. If only they knew how I really felt inside and how I was lying when I said I was fine. They didn't know anything about me really.

I was so scared I would just blurt something out. I had butterflies in my stomach. I knew I had to get away from my parents if not I was just going to shout it out and then they would know who I really was. So I told them I had to do homework to do so I could get away from them.

I padded back up the stairs, putting my hand in my pocket to feel the well wrapped blade. I wanted it so badly but I knew I couldn't. I was scared to tell you the truth. Scared of what I'd done, scared about how much I had liked it, and scared about how much I still wanted it. What if the wanting never went away? The harsh words and insults were still in the back of my mind and suddenly realisation hit me. What had I done?

A fresh flow of tears started again in frustration and anger. I was so angry at myself for breaking, it felt like I had given in to everyone who had ever said or done hurtful things to me. Frustration because wanted it again so badly- I would cut up my whole arm so there was no skin left if I could. But I couldn't. I decided maybe it would be best if I just went to bed, tomorrow was a new day after all. I didn't care that it was only 9:30, sleep seemed to ke the only way I could get rid of the terrible want. Quickly I changed into my pjs and cried myself to sleep. Pathetic, I know.