Shot Through the Lights

Kabanata 26

Dalawang linggo akong hindi nakapasok. Viel came to visit with Nikki. Nagdala sila ng kung anu-ano at nakipagkwentuhan na rin sa akin.

"I actually have to say something important," lumunok si Viel.

Kaming dalawa na lang ang narito dahil nauna nang umuwi si Nikki.

I raised my brows.

"Ano 'yon?"

She looked down, visibly thinking. Matapos ang ilang saglit ay muli siyang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

"Ma'am Zai wants to talk to you. Narinig ko lang kasi kanina. Pinag-uusapan nila ng mga officer."

Binalot ako ng kaba dahil doon. It must be important. I know I have slacked off these past few weeks. Or maybe even a month. Pero nagawa ko lang naman 'yon dahil kailangan kong magtrabaho para sa kapatid ko. At sinabi ko namang babawi ako.

I clenched my teeth hard as I thought of multiple worst case scenarios in my head.

"Ano pa ba ang ibang sabi?"

"Wala na, e. I just happened to hear them one time. Sinasabi ko lang 'to sa 'yo ngayon because I feel like I had to."

Malumanay ang mga mata ni Viel sa akin. And I know, at that exact moment, we shared the same thought.

Nanganganib ang posisyon ko sa Elites. Pati na rin ang scholarship ko. And all the other dreams I have.

Hindi ako mapakali sa mga sumunod na araw. Ilang ulit ko nang sinubukang kausapin si Sergio na nais kong pumunta ng paaralan. But he never let me.

And now that I can finally go, halos lumuwa ang puso ko sa kaba. I can't lose my scholarship. Kung kailangan kong sumayaw nang sumayaw para lang mapanatili ang lugar ko rito, gagawin ko. Just... please not my scholarship.

Pinaghirapan ko 'to. I danced for hours to perfect my audition piece. Nagsikap akong mapansin ng moderators para makuha sa scholarship program. I can't lose this. Huling taon ko na 'to sa kolehiyo. Hindi pwede.

"I'm so sorry, Wave. But you're out. The officers want you out. Maraming gustong makapasok sa scholarship program ng Elites. Not everyone of you here are scholars. Only chosen ones are. And it's unfair for those who are working hard when you slacked off and your grades dropped."

And there goes my dreams.

"Member ka pa rin naman ng Elites. But I don't think there's a way to get the scholarship back. Moderators have taken note of your performance. And... even though you are the pride of this school, we can't tolerate your behavior anymore."

Malungkot ang mga mata ni Ma'am Zai. She was the one who pushed me right from the start. Siya ang nagsilbing gabay ko para magawa nang maayos ang lahat.

Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng mararamdaman ko. I felt hollow, sad, angry, and scared all at the same time. There are too many emotions that I do not know which is which.

In one snap, the dreams I built crushed.

"The school will not kick you out, no," iling ni Ma'am Zai. "You're put on academic probation. And you may have to enroll for summer classes to get your degree."

Halos maiyak na ako sa harapan niya rito ngayon din. Nawalan na nga ako ng scholarship, naka-academic probation pa at kailangan pang mag-enroll sa summer class.

Wala naman sanang kaso 'yon kung mapera ako. I can repeat how many times I want. Pwede akong tumigil kung kailan ko gusto. I can choose whatever path I prefer. Kasi walang mawawala sa kain.

Pero wala ako niyan, e. I wasn't privileged enough for that life. And to have my scholarship lost right in front of me, is a nightmare I can never wake up from.