Shot Through the Lights

Kabanata 26

Slip

Nanghihina kong binukas ang aking mga mata. Purong puti ang nakapalibot sa akin habang ginagala ko ang aking paningin sa buong kwarto.

It was all white. Not until my eyes landed on a very familiar figure holding my hand tightly as his head laid against the white sheets of this bed I'm in.

Napatingin naman ako sa isa ko pang kamay nang maramdaman ang wire na nakakabit dito. And that's when it all made sense to me.

I'm in a hospital.

Sinubukan kong umupo. Ngunit nahilo ako kaya agad lang din akong bumalik sa kakahiga. Sa paggalaw ko, naalimpungatan 'ata si Sergio at alertong nagising.

"You're awake. Do you want anything?"

My throat is dry as hell. Sumenyas na lang ako sa kanya para abutan niya ako ng tubig na nasa mesa. Mabilis niyang kinuha 'yon at inalalayan ako sa pag-inom.

"Y-You brought me here?" I asked weakly.

Tumango siya.

"You were burning up. I had to rush to the hospital right away."

Matapos 'yon ay malakas siyang napabuntong-hininga.

"Bakit wala kang sinasabi sa akin, Alunsina?"

I looked away at that. I was guilty. But I only did that because it's what I think is best at the moment. 'Yon nga lang, hindi ko man lang inisip siya sa bawat desisyon ko.

"I-I didn't wanna bother you."

He inched closer to me and held my chin between his fingers, making me return my gaze to him.

"Kahit kailan, hindi ka sagabal sa akin," his eyes were soft. "'Di ba sabi ko sa 'yo noon, you can always come to me if you need anything? Pera lang naman 'yon sa akin, Alunsina. You are more than anything else to me."

But I don't wanna be a burden. Ayoko ng ganoon. I wasn't meant to be dependent. I raised myself to be the independent woman that I am and I wanted to be that. It isn't entirely out of not wanting to be pitied. It's just... what I am.

"I want to work hard on my own, Sergio. Gusto kong sabihin. Pero alam kong magbibigay ka. At ayoko no'n. Nag-iipon ka rin," mariin kong saad.

He clenched his jaw.

"if that means neglecting yourself for my priorities, na pwede ko namang kitain ulit, then no. Hindi ako mag-aalinlangang ibigay 'yon sa 'yo. Hindi naman 'yon luho. It's about life. Your sister's life. And now, yours as well."

Muli akong umiwas ng tingin.

"Maayos naman na si Evelyn. Naka-confine pa nga lang sa ospital pero maayos na siya. I-I just have to work a little bit more and—"

"You're not working," matigas niyang sabi.

Bigo ko siyang tinignan sa mga mata. His gaze was hard on me. Ito 'ata ang pinakaunang pagkakataong ayaw niyang makinig sa akin.

To be fair, pagod na talaga ako. And as shameful as it is, I realized I really needed his help now. Kung nagtatrabaho lang sana ako ngayon nang matino at hindi pa raket-raket lang, hindi sana ako hihingi ng tulong galing sa kahit sino.

"Hindi ka magtatrabaho, Wave. You will rest. I'll take care of the bills. Wala kang ibang gagawin."

I gave up and did not pursue an argument. Mukhang wala siya sa mood para makipagtalo sa akin. Sa kabila noon, inalagaan niya pa rin ako at hindi iniwan hanggang sa ma-discharge. Kulang na lang ay roon na siya sa pad ko tumira buhat ng pag-aalala niya sa akin.