Escaping The Loop

XXVI

"Yeah let's go." I shoved my shoulder slightly against hers as we walked side by side, and we both smiled.

***

"Yi means "two" and peng means a "full moon day". Yi Peng refers to the full moon day in the second month according to the Lanna lunar calendar; the twelfth month according to the Thai lunar calendar." Explained our guide as we strolled towards our destination, "Swarms of Lanna-style sky lanterns, khom loi, literally: "floating lanterns" are launched into the air where they resemble large shoals of giant fluorescent jellyfish gracefully floating through the sky. The festival is meant as a time to make merit. Initially it is believed as praise for Buddha but it is also to give thanks to the Goddess of water for her generosity." We listened intently, "Before the ceremony monks of all ages perform chants and rituals before launching the lanterns. Coincidently,its date usually coincides with Loi Krathong which all of Thailand celebrates using floating lights on water. In Northern Thailand Yi Peng, which is celebrated alongside Loi Krathong, is different in that lights are placed into sky lanterns which float up into the air. Loi Krathong still happens in Chiang Mai but the actual Loi Krathong floating lanterns on water event happens the day/night after Yi Peng. Alongside the floating light ceremonies there are also parades, fireworks, displays of colorful lanterns and cultural highlights involving the Lanna. As Chiang Mai was the former capital of the Lanna Kingdom it holds the largest Yi Peng Festival."

"Wow! You were worth every penny!" I announced.

We were in the largest lantern release site, the grounds behind Mae Jo University at the Lanna Dhutanka grounds in Chiang Mai. There are originallt two ceremonies, one which is free and for locals, and the other for tourists, but the other is a week later and I think it lacks the ambiance due to its 'selective' audience. When in Rome, do as the romans or whatever. It is just better to experience it at its height and glory, with prayer and the lingering spirituality, then spend it with tourists.

That day our guide (which I forgot to mention his name was Lao) suggested we leave early-due to impending traffic-so at 3 o'clock we were there. The lighting of the lanterns doesn't start until six or seven, so we just needed to find a place to sit. We bought scarfs to cover our shoulders since this was a prayer ceremony.

Prayers started in the late afternoon, with the monks chanting and people reciting after them. I have attended throughout my life, many spiritual ceremonies. They were uplifting yes, but this, this emotional rapture that expanded itself across acres of land, involving hundreds and thousands, is absolutely spellbinding. I am in awe.

Our guide brought us a couple of local delicacies to try, he was very accommodating and hospitable, and the whole population was the same way. Receiving us with smiles and the kindest of words.

At 5:40 pm, they announced that we should get our lanterns ready.

"You can write wishes and prayers in the lanterns Miss Jillian." Lao said as he handed over a pencil of some kind.

I glanced at Cecilia and Vincent, they were both childish and in love. Vincent insisting that Cecilia should reframe from seeing his private wishes, and Cecilia insisting she should. They both smiled and laughed sharing-what I thought-a private moment that I interrupted by ogling at them.

What to write? What to wish for?

Happiness. That's all I ever wanted. Not titles. Not money. Just love and happiness. I lead a normal life up until 4 months ago. To go to places I thought I needed to see, alone. I lost the love of my life. But I gained friends, went to places I only dreamed up, ate exotic cuisine, and now will pursue something worthwhile. I pray for happiness, love, health, wealth to my loved ones, wherever they may be. I love him, I hope he knows that. I wish things were different. I wish he was here. I hope he forgives me. They all have. I hope all that I gain, outweighs my loss. It won't, but I hope to God (and in this case Buddha) that it doesn't continue to feel this bad, this horrible. Health, wealth, love, and happiness.

***

Release. Catch and release. At 7, we were told to light up the lanterns, and at their go, release. In minutes, the night sky was embedded with star-like lanterns, spreading and spanning as far as the eye can see. People chanted while releasing them, cameras flashing, the oohs and aahs that followed. The many couples hugging, including my dear Cecilia and her loved one. She freed herself from his embrace and stood by my side holding my hand and giving me her affectionate smile. How can this simple process, this extravagant, enthralling, bewitching, captivating, riveting, transfixing, engrossing, gripping experience bring such...clarity. Whatever I started with, modified itself to get me here. Whatever or whoever is lost will not be further grieved. A folding page, a new chapter. The very beginning of the rest of my life.

Inhale, exhale, release