[This was written before the release of Loki]
~~~
A date at the museum turns to you falling through a portal towards what you thought was a dream of the MCU.
Turns out it was actually a reality... as well as an AU to the original storyline?
~~~
Char...
"Woah, hold the damn phone, the snake gets a show and so do those idiots? But I'm dead?!"
"Shut up! I'm going to cry!" You whine.
"How is that even possible? Isn't Loki dead?" Pietro raises up a good point.
"No, well yes, but no, in Avengers Endgame, to get the stones Tony creates Time travel and they go to 2012 to get the tesseract, but Tony gets hit by the Hulk while disguised as an agent, the cube gets to Loki and the little shit escapes,"
"Watch what you call me, Mortal,"
"Are we going to ignore the fact she just said Tony invented time travel??" Bruce gapes.
"Yes, because I knew I'd do it eventually," the billionaire boasts before whispering to himself, "Holy shit,"
"Sit on a dick, Loki, I'm having a crisis!" Standing up abruptly you realize there was nothing you could do so your body slumped back down.
"Well, think about it like this, this is your own personal TV show," Vision won the game easily. "A sitcom of sorts in which heroes go about domestic activities,"
"So WandaVision 2.0 minus all the sad bullshit?"
"Whatever that may mean, I assume it's an accurate comparison,"
Suddenly the elevator chimed and the soldiers walked out; though Bucky had short hair this time—guess that's why they were gone for so long. You let out a strained yelp, rubbing your cheeks to cool the heat in the skin. "This is some Anna Watson bullshit," you stared up. "Where's the cameo, bitch?"
"She's gone insane," Sam claps his hands, "someone get the straight jacket out,"
"You can't put something that isn't straight in a straight jacket,"
"Ha! Gay joke," Peter yelled out; yes, he was back from school. "Noice,"
"Anyways, wonderful way for me to come out, pleasure seeing you all but I'm going to go take a cold shower," saluting, your feet scampered away as Bucky smirked to the group, his hand combing back locks of trimmed hair.
"Still got it,"
~~~
Whistling a soft tune, towel held tight against your body, steam flew out the open door with your eyes now open to see Tony getting Thor and Vision to put clothes down in the room.
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
"Hey, Smokey," Tony clicks his tongue, pen clicking to tick things off.
"I AM NAKED!"
"You have a towel on," you bore a glare into his dismissive gaze.
"I'm naked underneath the towel,"
"And I'm naked underneath my clothes, what's your point?" clenching the towel tight you narrow your eyes before seeing both Vision and Thor with shut eyes.
"Thank you, boys, for being decent people!"
"You're welcome," they walk out, Thor bumping into the wall before moving out the door; Vision easily merging out the room.
"What is all this?"
"Clothes... unless you wanted to walk around naked," Tony got rid of the tags and placed them away neatly.
"First off, how the fuck did you get my clothing size? Secondly... why the hell is it..." holding up a blouse you see the price, "$143?!"
"Yeah, a little in the cheaper side but-"
"No. No, no, no, return this all back, if you want to buy me clothing at least let me go with you,"
~~~
"Okay, by go with you, I didn't mean bring the whole damn team,"
"Yeah, but Thor's ripped through his shirts, Banner keeps ruining his pants, Horns complains about his limited clothing, Wanda and Nat wanted to help, Barnes looks like a homeless man and Peter needs a new suit, the rest are here just to annoy,"
"Joy," you mumbles, squished between Steve and Thor. "Avengers head-canon: Tony bought Steve a shirt that says fossil," you whisper to Peter who holds back a giggle.
"Actually, Sam bought Bucky and I shirts that said that,"
"Damn, so close," you click your fingers. "Thor doesn't understand gender-norms so he'd wear a pink skirt if he could,"
"He actually has a pastel pink hoodie with a Nyan cat on the front that Darcy and Jane got him," Nat inputs making your smile gleam.
"That is the cutest thing I've ever heard!" Thor however had a small smile of sadness on his lips. "Mutual dumping, I see," you hum before taking his hand and patting it. "Don't worry, there are plenty of people out there," with your head leaning on his shoulder, he laughs lightly before wrapping an arm around you. "Now, I propose we get you a hair cut-"
"NO!" Thor booms with a pout.
~~~
"L/n? Where are you going?" Tony and the group stop to turn to you.
"Thrift store is that way," you point behind you.
"Thrift store?" Thor tilted his head.
"It's a store with second hand clothing, it's cheap and filled with grandma clothing but sometimes you find some real amazing items!" Peter slipped to your side and nodded in agreement.
"That's repulsive," Loki sneers.
"You're repulsive, you greasy snake,"
"I am not-!" Loki raises his fists only to take a breath and collect himself. "Choose your words wisely,"
"Suck my dick," you say, flipping him off with both fingers.
"Enough," Steve sighs, "you two go off do your thing,"
"Woohoo! Let's smoke ass and eat grass," Peter fist pumps you as the group open their mouths to say something, coming up with no worthy argument.
~~~
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