Memories (BoyxBoy)

It Goes On

April 2, 2010

"We estimate that with chemo, we can extend your life to maybe five years at most. Otherwise, we'd need a miracle. I'm very, very sorry, sir. I'll just.. leave you two alone."

I sit in a chair across the room from,Jace. Neither of us are saying a word. Neither of us dare look at the other. Jace... Jace is going to die. He won't be here anymore. He's leaving me. I'm going to be alone. He's going to die. Jace is dying.He's dying--Fucking dying!

A sudden rush of anger hits me and a gut wrenching sob tears from my throat as I grab the clipboard she'd left on the side of the bed and chuck it across the room, making papers fly everywhere. "Fuck! No! Fuuuck!"

Jace climbs out of the bed and grabs me and tries to steady me, but I panic and push him back into bed, hands shaking as I practically bundle him in blankets. The tears are blurring my vision, but all I can think is how I need to care for him. The better I care for him, the longer he'll be here. Right? That has to be right. I won't let him leave me, yet. No, not yet. Please,not yet. I can't lose him yet.

God, don't take him from me. Please!

"Kai..." Jace whispers, but I ignore him and wipe my tears, hurrying across the room to tidy the papers.

"Don't talk baby, you'll hurt your throat," I say, voice coming out hoarse from the pain of trying not to sob.

"Kai... stop, please," Jace says hoarsely. "We need to talk."

Those four words are enough to make my blood freeze in my veins, my heart to stop and my lungs to lose all the air they hold. That simple sentence is never good. What can he want to talk about other than the clearly obvious. What's there to say!? Nothing! All we can do is hope for a miracle.

I shake my head, but he grips my wrist and looks at me with tear filled eyes. "Go grab my backpack for me... please?"

I furrow my brows in confusion, but walk over to a chair and grab it anyway, handing it to him. Watching curiously, I see him dig inside and eventually pulling out a large brown envelope. The hell is this?

"Please, don't be angry with me. Just listen, okay?" He whispers.

I nod, unable to speak anyway.

He pulls papers from the envelope and hand them to me while speaking, "I took the liberty of applying to university in London for you when I... when I realized that the cancer was back and my chances were slim."

"You what!?" I exclaim angrily, taking the papers and reading them over, and indeed they were application forms and a letter of acceptance. "Jace...Why?"

His eyes filled with more tears, "I knew that as long as I was around you wouldn't leave no matter what I did. So, I planned to keep this a secret until I knew what would become of me. Kai...I... I'm going to die, and I won't let you waste your precious years just standing by and watching me waste away to nothing. I don't want you to see my like that. I want you to have a future, I did this for you."

I feel my body start to tremble, fear and anxiety flooding my every thought, making it hard to think properly, "What are you trying to say? Jace, I won't leave you.I promised I'd be by your side until the end! I am keeping my promise! I love you! Dammit, why would you think you could convince me to leave!?"

The tears are pouring down both our cheeks and a sad, broken smile appears on his face, "I'm not trying to convince you, baby. I'm... I'm telling you what is going to happen."