Memories (BoyxBoy)

High Hopes

December 27, 2009

We arrive at JFK around eight in the evening, having endured a seven and a half hour flight full of annoying people and a crying baby. Ugh, flying is certainly an experience I could have lived without, but Jace is ecstatic and looks like a little boy in Disney land as he looks around the airport in wonder.

"That was so cool! I've always wanted to ride on a plane. Do you think there's like, a souvenir shop around here? Maybe I'll-" He says excitedly, cut off by a short coughing fit.

I rush over and take hold of his portable oxygen tank that the doctor insisted we bring on the trip and wrap my spare arm around his waist, "I know it's fun silly,but don't hurt yourself with the excitement, okay?"

Don't think I didn't notice the adorable blush that streaks across his cheeks, making me grin happily as I sneak in a kiss on his cheek, turning them an even more vibrant shade of red. Jace is just too cute for words sometimes. How on earth did I get so lucky?

"Kai! Jace!" A familiar voice shouts.

I turn, eyes scanning over the sea of humans and find a grinning Charlie jumping and waving for our attention. With a chuckle, I steer Jace in his direction and give him a slight push. The second they're close enough, Charlie pulls him into a huge hug. Now, most people might think seeing this might be awkward or make me jealous due to our pasts, but if anything I'm happy and I'm warmed by the site.

While Charlie is Jace's ex, he is also his first and only real best friend and Charlie and I have gotten to know each other more over the past few months. He respects me and my relationship, and I respect him for having already faced what I am now and for being so strong after all I've heard he's gone through. We've made peace and therefore, with trust in Jace, it truly doesn't bother me at all.

After they pull apart, Charlie smiles sadly at me and pulls me into a hug as well and whispers, "How are you doing?"

"As good as can be expected," I reply quietly.

We finally get settled down at Charlie's apartment and we had had plans to go to Olive Garden, but Jace's fever returned and I've forced him on bed rest for the night.Not without a few-or many- complaints. He just doesn't know when enough is enough. When he should just shut up and let me take care of him rather than fighting to prove he's okay.

I drop down on the sofa next to Charlie after checking on a sleeping Jace for about the tenth time in the hour.

"God, it's so hard to see him like that again," Charlie mutters over the quiet chatter on TV.

I nod, even though he's not looking at me, "He does have good days, but they're coming around less and less."

We're silent again for a while until I feel Charlie lean back against the couch and drop his head on my shoulder with a heavy sigh, "How are you, though?"

My brows furrow in confusion, "I already told-"

"Not involving Jace. How are you as an individual, Kai? I know that this whole cancer thing is effecting both of you, but we can't forget that last time I saw you,you were in a hospital for a failed suicide attempt. You can care for Jace all you like, but you need to remember your own health, too. I can see the exhaustion in your eyes. When was the last time you slept properly, or even ate properly?"

I try to pull away, but Charlie puts his arm across my chest to stop me and I give in and just fall back against him and he does the same. "I've opted out of group therapy and requested one on one with Erik again. My medication dosage has been increased because although I don't need to take them for the panic attacks so much anymore, the doctor's are worried my depression has worsened. Which they didn't understand because my weight is back up, my panic attacks are few and far between and my nightmares have lessened. Then of course Erik butts in and tells them my connection to Jace and how I initially reacted and bam. Up goes my dosage. I'm sick of taking pills, but Jace doesn't know, and I'd like to keep it that way."