Truly Yours • Kim Mingyu

[twenty-nine]

We talk for hours. We talk about everything we can think of. Morning turns to noon, noon turns to afternoon, afternoon turns to evening and we're still talking without getting bored or tired. I don't think I've ever talked with someone so comfortably I barely know for this long.

While we are spending time together, not even for a second, he makes me feel like he is a stranger whom I met today morning. The way he talks, listens, jokes and messes around, pays attention to everything that I say, cares; it's all enough to make anyone feel like they've known this guy for their entire life.

This is what makes him unique. There is nothing fake about him. He feels just like family, to me and probably to everyone else whom he ever spent time with.

"Yo, so you're telling me that you and Mingyu were in love before? And then you sort of died and got revived after six years and now he is a totally different person and he told you that you ruined his life and he hates you? And now you are unable to avoid him because you are his employee, let alone with the fact that you're kind of dating his brother like best friend without knowing if things will work out or not?" Jae jabbers, incredibly amused.

"Yup. It's all messed up." I say as I take another sip of my fifth soda of today. I've told him basically everything about my life till now, both important and unimportant events. I don't know why but he seems so genuine and authentic to the point I just feel like sharing every intricate detail about my life with him. 

"Dude, I can't believe that douchebag was in love. He's been screwing up women for like . . . oh I'm sorry, did that hurt?" The tone of his comment makes me giggle. Although I'm pretty positive I would've teared up if someone else told me this.

That's another unique thing I've learnt about Jae. He makes awful things sound fun and uncomplicated. Not everyone can do that. It makes me wonder what kind of high quality refined soil God used when he made this guy. When I compare myself to him, I feel like I was made out of dung or something.

"Do you actually believe me? Like the dying and supernatural part?" I ask.

He leans forward, placing one elbow on the table and letting his palm support his chin up. "I do. I really do." He says.

"You don't think I'm making this up or I'm crazy?"

"Not at all. You have no justifiable reason to lie to me. I haven't just been  lying on my couch and watching Friends while munching random snacks for twenty eight years of my life Miyeon. I've seen stuffs happening too, anomalous stuffs. Stuffs that don't have proper logical explanation. So yes, I don't think you're making this up or that you are crazy." He affirms, "There is something I'm particularly curious about though."

"Name it."

"How does death feel like?"

His question forthwith sends me to space. For a moment, I just go blank. Then everything starts swirling up erratically.

I may have forgotten almost everything about my past, but the night of my death; the impending feeling of doom and finality drawing so close, sinking inside my skin and gradually consuming me; it's all so vivid inside my mind.

It's another curse that'll never be lifted. Another curse given to me by the Almighty for breaking the natural order of the world. I'll forever have to bear this harrowing memory till the day I don't exist anymore.

I inhale a deep breath. Then slowly exhale. "Scary. Dark. Excruciatingly painful." I emphasize on each word, gazing at the ceiling. "You want to breath so bad but the air won't just reach your lungs. It's as if you're being mercilessly asphyxiated and you start hyperventilating, but nothing helps. You get exhausted from trying to breath and at one point you just give up. You want to move your body so bad but you can't even bring yourself to lift a finger. Your body starts shutting down. You hear everyone's cry but you are unable to move or do anything. Your vision gets engulfed by this murk and soon enough, every fragment of light and hope disappears and all you see is darkness. If something unusual happens after this, then you're most likely to get summoned in the underworld; a place where only lost souls and sinners suffer and sustain in agony. It's scary Jae, it's really scary."