My Only One

CH 51.

He bought meat and vegetables and even a few packets of Tea which can help the older with his throat. 

He made sure to pick fresh ones as he doesn't want the older to nag and whine for anything. When he was done he checked in and paid quickly before rushing back. The older was still asleep when he came back so he made his way towards the kitchen and started to cook. 

Yifan was awake by the time Zi Tao was done with the dishes. He filled the tray with a bowl of chicken soup, some bacon and a few vegetables. He also brought medicine and a glass of water so that the older can take it after having his meal. 

Zi Tao helped Yifan to settle down before pushing the tray in his hands. Yifan who was still in his daze felt like a baby being taken care of. He avoided looking at the younger who was staring at him pointedly. He shivered before quickly picking up the spoon and sipping the soup slowly and trying to not spill even a single drop. When he was done, Zi Tao handed him his medicines and glass of water which he gratefully accepted. He wasn't sure if he was pampered like a child or cared like a husband. 

Gulping his doubts down his throat, Yifan silently watched as the younger disappear with the tray. He came back after a few minutes to help Yifan lay back again. 

Yifan closed his eyes, trying to relax and rest as much as he could. He still doesn't understand. Why was the younger looking after him after ...all he did to him...after last night.  

It was past noon time, Yifan slowly opened his eyes taking in the empty hallway before his curious mind searched for the other male. He slowly sat up, feeling sore and stuffy all over. His throat hurt and all he wanted right now was water. 

He pulled himself up, and with quiet movements reached for the glass of water over the dining table but before he could reach it, his eyes caught the sleeping male. He wasn't snoring but he looked like a deep sleeper. Yifan slowly made his way towards the bed and crouched before the sleeping Zi Tao. 

Yifan hesitated before slowly raising his palm but stopped again as if his single touch could harm the younger. Instead his fingers traced the other's face, his touch so light that he was sure Zi Tao won't even stir. He inhaled sharply as one finger became two and his own hand was over the other face brushing the few strands away, his gaze so intense, so full of emotion. He didn't know what came over him when he stared to talk. His voice wasn't even high or low. 

"It hurt to hear it from you that we are done" His bitter chuckle even surprised him. "You are still the same - Straightforward, Fierce, stubborn yet gentle, caring and selfless. An apology is not enough, for the way I have hurt you" Yifan shivered as he sat on the cold floor still staring at the younger. "I wanted to tell you this when you are conscious but I lost the chance already. So I'm only left with this idea. Sorry for being an asshole, I'm sorry to let you down, I'm sorry for abandoning you. I was selfish, selfish to think that staying away from you would…." Yifan sighed, gulping as the words settled over the tip of his tongue. "Would make me get over my feelings. Would make my heart hurt less. Even after I was free from my Dad's clutches I never returned to you, because I was selfish enough to save myself from making you hate me. I couldn't have bore you with hating me so I left. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for loving you and I'm sorry for I really want to become selfish again, right now, and never let you go even if It hurts you to see me" Yifan again gazed at the younger who didn't move even an inch. "I- Why the hell am I ranting to a sleeping person. I'm silly and an idiot.." 

Yifan quickly got up, his whole body was shaking as he raised his palms to wipe his damp cheeks. He chuckled lightly as if not believing that he cried. He didn't even cry when his mother died, didn't even shed a single tear when his father was taken away, but he is crying over a man, a beautiful man, who meant so much to him. He was fucked up but he would never regret it.