Accepting her Hatred

Ruh's Past

Everything is better with you,

Everything has been better since you.

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Ruh's POV:

"I trust you, Maan.", as these words left my mouth I released the breath that I didn't know I was holding. Maan didn't understood anything initially but when he did, he stood up rapidly causing me to fall back. Ouch! My butt hurts.

"Sorry! Sorry!", he helped me standing up and made me sit beside him on bed. He held my hands in his as if his life depends on them, I on the other hand kept staring at him and found an urge to finally reveal my past to him that I have kept hidden in some corner of my heart. I stood up and moved towards the window, I kept staring blankly in the sky when Maan came and stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders. I turned towards him with glistening eyes and frown appeared on his face. He removed the lone tear that escaped my eye with his thumbpad and took me to the couch.

"Sunshine, do you want to say something?", he asked cupping my face in his hands, I kept looking everywhere except him and slowly nodded my head in a 'yes'.

"I am all ears.", I took a deep breath and finally my eyes found his eyes and kept looking into them with trust and affection.

"I-I wan-want to te-tell you ab-about my pa-pa-past.", I somehow managed to form the sentence stuttering in between. He immediately pulled me on his lap and started cooing me.

"You know na I am not desperate to listen to it, am not forcing you. If you are comfortable then only tell otherwise don't. You are free Ruh, with past or without past, I will keep loving you."

"But I want to tell you. Please let me. Please", I started sobbing trying to remain brave but failing miserably. I started feeling vulnerable and terrified on remembering about my past, all those nightmares moving in front of me like a slideshow. I gathered some courage and distanced my face a little from his chest, still on his lap.

"I was 10 when my papa got transferred to Chicago, my mother was asked to join him too so she decided that both I and Shauvik should accompany her there. Shauvik agreed almost instantly but I was reluctant to join them. That time I was too close to my grandfather and trusted him blindly. My parents agreed to it on insisting by my grandfather. Few days passed like that with me playing with him, going to school and him helping me in studies. One day when I came back from school, I found a stranger sitting there and talking with my grandfather, they spotted me standing on the front door and called me inside. Grandfather introduced me that stranger, his name was Vibhor Kumar and I found out that he was a good friend of my uncle Rajesh. That day onwards he started visiting me frequently at my house but there was this day when out of blue my grandfather asked me if I wanted to go and see his house which was bigger than ours. I being a child agreed immediately because I found him to be a good man, he used to bring cookies, chocolates, toffees for me, used to bring toys and even play with me, used to narrate stories to me and took me to the parks. Other day I was sent to his house and to be honest it actually was pretty big than ours, interiors were also amazing and he even had a garden and a pool. I started spending my days with him, he had a child who also used to play with me but one day I was told that he is sent to boarding. I felt sad but it didn't lasted long because I was cheered up by that Vibhor. One day he asked me if I want to learn swimming, I agreed happily because I always wanted to learn it one day. From the other day, he himself started training me but while training he-he use-used to touch m-my lower re-region, I felt little uncomfortable but thought that he might be helping me from sinking.", I broke down while telling this, Maan started rubbing my back to soothe me.

"You can stop if you aren't comfortable.", he said softly in my ears which relaxed me to some extent but I shook my head in a 'no' and continued.

"Days past by with him doing the same during swimming then one day he said let's play a game I agreed but that time I didn't understood that touching me and making me touch him in intimate areas is not a game. He-he used t-to for-force me to to-touch him in all th-those parts but I never understood what he was doing, he even touched me in al-all those ar-areas but I never und-understood what was he doing. Suddenly one day he started rem-removing my clothes and- and took my dignity, Maan.", I was a crying mess by this time. Maan's facial expressions changed from quiet to enraged, his jaws tightened and his hold on me too but I continued.

"I told all this to my grandfather but he said he will talk to him and I should never tell all this to anyone else but I told to my mother when she came to visit me few months later. She was hell angry on my grandfather and made me understand everything. When I did, I was beyond hurt that the one whom I trusted with my life did something like this. That week itself I decided that I'll live in boarding school and was sent there.", I finished and hugged Maan tightly with every ounce of strength I had after crying.

"But I didn't understood why your grandfather did this and what happened to that Vibhor after that?", he asked curiously and angrily.

"My grand father did this in order to same my uncle from Vibhor's debt. Yes my uncle took a heavy amount of loan from him and was unable to payback so my grandfather and that Vibhor came to terms that Vibhor can use me for his own pleasures till whatever time he wants, so that's what he did, he raped me. And I came to know later that my grandfather never wanted a granddaughter so he easily decided to use me in order to save his son. When I went to boarding I decided that I'll become someone who holds power and then I made my mind to become an IAS. Once I got my position, I arranged the death of Vibhor in an accident and closed the file almost immediately. But my family and his family knew it was me, my grandfather couldn't say anything from that day because I took hold of his house and all of his business. My parents supported me in that tough situation because I felt guilty of misusing my powers but that was the end of Vibhor. I never told this to Nivi but somehow she found out but remained supportive enough.", he made me drink water to calm me and resumed rubbing my back.

"I am proud of you sunshine that you didn't let your past conquer the real you. You are one brave soul. I don't pity you but feel proud of what you are today and what you will be in future. I love you, sunshine.", he said smiling at me, I found my heart flutter on these statements. I too smiled looking at him but couldn't muster up courage to say those three words which were on my tongue but couldn't find voice. 

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So this was Ruh's past which she always used to think about.

Soon Ruh too will confess her feelings to him.