Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 25

It only took us thirty minutes to come up with a shitty excuse to leave the party walk back to to the car and drive to Benny's hotelroom. Of course Jolene didn't buy it. She just smirked at us and said, "Just don't have to much fun, alright?" She winked  at me.

What would've made me feel embarrassed, but there was so much going on in my mind and body that I didn't care.

The whole trip to the hotel we stayed silent. Benny's hand didn't leave my waist for even a second.

We walked in the hotelroom and I had just enough time to take of my coat and kick my shoes of, before Benny pressed his lips against mine again. He took me of guard, but I quickly kissed him back passionately.

I had forced myself to stop thinking about him in a sexual way a long time ago, but with my hand in his hair and around his neck, all the stop signs in my head disappeared.

He unzipped my dress and I pulled of his blouse and tie. His torso looked even better than I remembered. He pulled the dress over my head and threw it to the other side of the room. His hand immediately started to rediscovere my body making me silently gasp for air.

Benny had the same hungry look in his eyes as he had when he played a serious chess game. It was intimidating. I fucking loved it.

He suddenly picked me up and layed me down on his bed, his body hovering above mine. After less then 15 seconds we were both fully undressed.

I was ready for him. I had never been more ready to make love to someone. I always had seen sex as a thing that people did because we're supposed to it. But I never had that feeling with him. He was the only one that could make me feel this way.

He moved and held me so precisely, that he made my whole body tremble. It felt like we hadn't been apart 9 months at all.

After 20 minutes we were laying next to each other, catching our breath. My face was turned away from him. His arm was tightly wrapped around my bare waist.

"Beth." His voice sounded a bit raspy.

"Yes, Benny?"

He layed his hands on both my shoulders and turned me around. He had unsure look on his face. He hesitated to open his mouth.

"What is it?" I asked with a soft voice, trying not to force him.

He ran his hand through his hair slightly frustrated. But then he shook his head and grabbed my hand.

"I've missed you, you know."

His eyes were searching in mine, scared to replay the past. But it wasn't the past anymore. I would like if I'd say I hadn't thought about him every single day.

"I missed you too." I whispered.

We looked at each other, slightly unsure what to say next. I know he hated to act vulnerable, and so did I.

I ran my hand through his hair, that was even messier now.

"I still find it odd, that you decided to cut your hair. The only time you go to the barber, is when Cleo makes you to."

He took my hand away from his hair and intertwined our fingers. "Yeah, I know. It's a bit weird."

I saw that he didn't like the subject, so I decided to not ask anything else. But after a sigh, he went on.

"You know that thing that joke about woman, that they cut, paint or style their hair after a big mistake or change in their life?"

I looked at him confused. "Yeah, I know?"

He rolled over on his back, not letting go of my hand.

"I kind of told you that I had a drinking problem after you left? I knew it's shit to hear, but you fucked me up, than and there."

I nodded silently, trying to keep the guilt out of my body.

"After I saw you with Townes in that bed. I-I just had to escape you know? But it quickly became hard to not drink every night. After 5 months Cleo helped me. She stayed in New York with me for a month. She had never yelled to me so much than in those 4 weeks."

"Thank God Cleo was there." I thought to myself.

"After she left and when I was okay again, I wanted to show people you didn't bring me down. So I got a haircut." He laughed to himself. "It seemed really logical then."

I broke my hand free from his and ran my fingers through it one more time.

"Well, I like it."

"You know that was the opposite of my plan right?"

We both laughed. 

"I'm sorry." I said abruptly. I didn't know I was so close to say the short sentence. But when I said it, I immediately felt relieved.

"I know you are." He said." Even though you still haven't told me why and how. But let's no talk about that now, I'm not sure I want to know."

"I'm not sure, I could tell you a lot of it." I said distantly, trying to see the pictures of that doomed night before me.

"Yeah, you were of the world." He laughed.

It made me feel better. It might be hard, but maybe in a while we could laugh about it. Maybe.

"You want to sleep here?" He asked.

"If you let me."

He layer his arm back around my waist and pulled me closer.

"Good answer."