Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 15

I waited in silence, sitting with my back against the wall. My arms wrapped around my knees pinning them against my chest. Eyes closed, not letting the tears flow. Waiting for help. I didn't want to feel, so I wasn't going to.

I sat like that for 20 more minutes, till I heard a knock on my door. I shot to the sound and threw the door open. In front of me stood a man with a bright blue cap on.

"Beth Harmon?" He asked while looking at his papers.

"Yes." I said quickly.

The man looked up and a suprised expression met mine blurry gaze. "Is this for you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Alright." The man shrugged. "Have a good day."

"Likewise." I said with such a monotone voice.

I opened the bag he gave me after he left and looked in it. Whiskey, beer and wine. With full desire I took one of the bottles of one out of the bag and hold it tight. I turned around and slammed the door behind me.

I put the booze before me on the table in my room. I stared at it for almost 5 minutes, crushing the edge of the table between my hands. I wanted it. I wanted it so badly. I needed it running through my veins, my head, my mind.

Benny's pity face, the girls messed up smile, collins hopeful smile, they were all stuck in my head. It felt like they were all screaming and I was bleeding inside. "Stop it." I whispered.

Her arms around his neck, her lips on his lips, her eyes staring in his eyes.

"Stop it." I said to myself.

My stupidity to believe I could turn my mistakes back around. The fact that he did the same to me. And the feeling that what I did was even worse.

"STOP IT!" I screamed.

I took the bottle before me with both hands. It only took me 2 seconds to unscrew the bottle and put it to my mouth. The red wine going through my throat. Tears running down my face. After 50 more seconds it was empty. And after 100 seconds the other one as well.

I slipped through the floor, waiting for the booze to kick in. And it did. Hard.

I took a breath. The whole room was spinning, dancing underneath my body. My eyes were jumping from one spot to the other. It took a while before I stood up, enjoying the feeling too much.

Walking was even better. Just the world falling down around me and I'm falling along with it. Just falling, nothing else.

I sat down on my bed and almost fell asleep, but just before I closed my eyes, my look fixated on the little note on my sidetable.

It took a few attempts before I had the little piece of paper in my hand. I softly rubbed over Grace's name with my thumb. "Grace, she's dead." I said out loud.

"She died. Left me all alone on this shitty world. Without her I just keep falling. Sorry that I lied. I didn't want the world to be shitty for you too. But guess it's a fucking nightmare for everrrryone."

I giggled. I should have told her. Them.

"Collin." I whispered. I took another bottle of wine and walked to the door. I opened the bottle with my teeth before I walked into the hallway. Maybe walking was the wrong word.

I took my half an hour and half a bottle, before I found the. He was standing in front of a board, putting the names of the participants in order for tomorrow. I hesitated for a second when I saw Benny's name next to mine. But the falling sensation pushed me forward.