Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 6

"You sure you want to go alone?" Harry stood in the doorway, with his black bag with books and boards in his hand.

I was going to go to Ohio tomorrow, so I would arrive a day in advance. The lady form the chess federation called me two days ago, saying all the contestants would stay in the university again. There went my plan to study a lot the night before.

"I am sure, Harry. Besides, where would you stay?"

"I could go to a nearby hotel." He shrugged.

I smiled. It was good to have him back, but he still worried a lot. I haven't been sober for longer than a week for almost half a year. What could go wrong?

"I'm going to be fine, harry."

He sighed. "Yeah, I know, I'm just worried."

"Where the hell that for?" I rolled my eyes.

He looked at me doubtfully and waited a few seconds before he replied.

"Because I'm scared you're going to have breakdown, when you know... see him."

"Owh." Was the only thing I could say. I had thought about Benny and the letter a lot this last week. More than I liked to admit. I didn't know what it would be like if I saw him again. I also didn't know how he would react. Would he lash out? Would he ignore me? I was more scared for the last one than the first.

"You know what? If you need advice or help with your problems, you know my number." Harry said nervously.

He fiddled with the bag in his hands. Beltik was a nervous person in general, but this was weird even for him. Why was he acting like this?

"I know." I said simply and gave him a short smile.

After nobody said something for a few seconds, Harry started to turn around, but stopped half way.

"Beth." He said as he turned back. "I know you still feel something for him. But you know that I would do anything for you, right?"

"Owh shit." I thought to myself. Here we go again.

"Harry..."

"No let me talk, okay? Just don't forget that you probably had you're reasons for what you did to him. You probably had reasons to come back to Kentucky. And who knows? Benny might not be the same guy you left anymore."

Harry voice sounded so serious it almost scared me. But I was done pulling everyone's leg. Done with lying to him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't..."

"Feel the same way..." He interrupted me. "And that's okay, really. I just want to warn you. Don't fuck yourself up over that guy. Please."

I wished I could pretend I didn't know what he said, but he was right. But there was still anger inside of me. What made me believe I wouldn't fail the tournament, nor myself.

"I won't, Harry. I promise." I said fast. This whole ordeal was making me feel uncomfortable.

Harry nodded a few times, wondering if he should believe me or not. "Alright then. Good luck."

"Thanks." I said.

Harry turned around and walked to his car. I waved him goodbye, until he dissapeared in the night.

The next day, I sat on the train to Ohio. I had at least 3 more chess books I wanted to finish before my first game tomorrow. I was almost done with the first one, when I noticed a woman was trying to climb out of her chair two rows in front of me. She had struggle herself over, what I guessed was her husband.

After she finally stood in the passage way, she quickly paced over to me.

"Beth Harmon?"

I acted like I didn't saw her coming and replied surprised. "Yes, that's me." I layed the second chess book that Benny had written down on my lap.

The excitement in her eyes only grew as I spoke. Without asking, she planted herself in the chair next to me. I could only just surpress an "excuse me?"

"My name is Grace Wilson." From the look in her eyes I could tell she thought that her name would ring a bell. But it certainly didn't.

"I am an old friend of your mother." She tried again.

"My mother?" I thought. I only knew so little about her. And even though Jolene helped me put the past in the past, I still thought about her a lot.

"Yeah. Alma and I go wayyy back." She smiled, when she saw I finally reacted.

She was talking about Alma. My other mom.

"Owh, how nice." I finally said.

"Me and my husband, George, followed your whole story. It was so exciting! I haven't spoken to Alma in a while, but I know how she always wanted a child."

Suddenly a wave of fear flowed through my body.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

She didn't know Alma had passed.

I carefully shaked my head and smiled. The woman wrinkles relaxed and I didn't know if not telling was a good or a bad thing. I certainly didn't want to talk about it.

"Well, I'm going to leave you to your book. Greet Alma for me!" She said as she stood up and clumsily climbed back to her chair.

I put the guilt and the sudden grief out of my head and started to read further.

When I finally arrived on the campus of the university, I immediately started to walk towards the dorm, not wanting to run in certain people.

I got the same weird feeling when I walked past a couple of students, who were picknicking on the field.

What would life be like, if I would have been born in a normal family, or adopted by a normal family. What would have happened if I didn't fall in love with chess.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw the bench, where I sat with Benny two years ago. I knew I fell for him that evening before. And the evening before then. He told me I was the best player here, and he meant it. It was one of the first compliments he gave me and those were scarce.

My stomache started to turn again, so I quickly walked to my room and dropped my luggage. I layed out my board, my pieces, my notes and my books. But I had no concentration at all. The city, the university, the dorms, the memories, they were all stuck in my mind.

If I had some booze or some pills right now this would have been easy. I rubbed my forehead but it didn't work. One drink wouldn't be a problem right?

I sighed. Of course it would be. I grabbed my purse, despite not wanting to leave my room, I started to walk to the cafeteria.

I saw some face in the hallway that I recognized, but I couldn't quite tell from which tournaments.

I pulled my cap further over my head. Please don't walk up to me, I thought.

I walked over to the counter and ordered a coffee. As I started to open my purse, somebody stood next to me.

"Miss, do you want some sugar or milk in you coffee?"

I looked up to answer, but before I could reply, the now recognisable figure answered.

"She'll have both." He said.

"And I'll have a apple juice. But please put it in a milk glass."