Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 8

I slowly walked through the empty dorm halls. I had put on my favorite black skirt and a old blouse from Alma. Because I wanted to wear something I was confident in.

It was quiet and gloomy in the hall. I stood up early because I wanted to avoid anyone, when I was going to grab breakfast. Well, I was mostly avoiding one certain person.

In my hand I carried a translated chess book from Botvinnik. I already read it once, but I knew that guy I was going to play against today, resembled Botvinnik's games a lot. At least that was what Harry said.

When I stepped outside, I took a deep breath of morning air. I wished it would make me more awake, because I had woken up a couple of times last night. I immediately starting to think about what I was even doing here and why I couldn't just go back to the way things were. But when I tried to step out of bed in panic, I saw the note again and relaxed.

It was pretty cold outside, so I quickly walked to the  cafeteria. I kept my coat on, because it was also still cold inside. I didn't like the winter months at all.

"God damnit." I whispered, when I saw a small figure replaying games on a chess board. He had also kept his black coat on. I really wanted to throw the heavy chess book in my hand towards his stupid black cowboy hat. Why did he have to make the same plans as me?

I kept my head straight as I walked to the counter. There weren't any people working this early, but the breakfast buffet was already laid out. I grabbed a plate and put some toast on it. I also grabbed a cup of coffee and put milk and sugar in it.

I didn't hear any movement behind me, what made me think he probably hadn't seen me yet. I could hear his breaths in the almost silent room. I remembered how his breath sounded when he laid next to me, so steady and controlled, so peaceful. I always made me smile.

I shaked my head. "Nope, I don't deserve it. Not any of it. Not him." I thought to myself.

I walked with my breakfast and coffee in my hands and my book underneath my arm towards a table far away from Benny's. The room wasnt really that big, so I sat 15 feet further. I didn't dare to even glance in his way. I didn't want to argue like yesterday. I had to study, because if I lost today, than I wouldn't be able to compete against Benny, and weirdly enough, I really wanted that.

I sat down and started to eat my breakfast, while trying to focus on my book. But it was hard, not knowing if he even knew I was here. Maybe he was ignoring me? Or it could've been someone else. No, nobody else can wear an outfit like that and still look good.

I carefully glanced over my book, just because I wanted to be sure it was him. When my eyes found his shoes, I looked up, only to accidentally meet his eyes.

He was staring at me with a sad look in his eyes, but when he noticed I was looking at him he quickly  turned back to his chess board and I did the same with my book.

For five minutes, I tried to read the same sentence, but my heart was beating like crazy. After realizing Benny messed both of my plans up, I tilted my head again so I could look just above the book.

I also saw him struggling to concentrate as well. He moved two pieces, but after watching them for a few seconds, he put them back, shaking his head. I noticed that his hair didn't come out underneath his cowboy hat. I hadn't seen any difference yesterday, but maybe I was too focused on seeing him again. At least it stopped falling in front of his eyes.

I sighed, turning back to my book. He still had this thing, that I couldn't explain. Everytime he looked concentrated, or happy, or proud, or competitive, he held me in this grip, I couldn't get out. After not seeing him for so long, I thought I would be cured, but it only got worse.

I almost wanted to stand up and go back to my room, because this wasn't working. But I was stopped by a voice. His voice.

"What are you reading?" He said.
I looked up surprised, meeting his dark brown eyes again. "Botvinnik, world chess championship 1963."

"Haven't you already read that one?"

"Yeah, but that was over a year ago."

"I know, I gave it to you."

My heart skipped a beat. I really didn't want to have a fight again, but it felt like he was challenging me to do so. But when I saw the relaxed look on his face, my body loosened.

"Yeah, you did. Before I went to Paris."

He nodded. "Yeah, you didn't want to read the footnotes." He slightly grinned, even if it was only for a second.

I remembered how stubborn I was, not wanting to read those. But shit I learned a lot of them.

I gave him a short smile and looked back to my book. His eyes on me felt heavy.

"Hey, I'm sorry about last night."

My head shot up. What the hell was he sorry about?

"I shouldn't have lashed at you like that, not in a full room anyway, but you just angered me and..."

"It's okay." I interrupted him. "I'm sorry too."

He stared in my eyes searching for something. Was he wondering if I meant it.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things." I added, looking down at the table.

"I bet you do." He said. He didn't sound mad, but he didn't sound convinced either. I wanted to say so much more, but I really enjoyed the peace in the room, so I kept my mouth shut.

After 15 minutes of enjoying the peace and the sounds of him moving his chess pieces. The first couple of people started to walk in the cafeteria. And thet brought a lot of noice with them.

I had to hold in a laugh, when I saw that Benny scoffed in annoyance. He can play chess well in every situation, but a silent room was still his favorite.

The crowd in the room started to get bigger and bigger, making me hold my book tighter, trying to keep my concentration. But it wasn't working at all.
The first game started in half an hour, so I decided to freshen up a little bit before. I stood up and started to walk through the mass of people. They really needed to change the location of the tournament.

"Beth!" I heard a voice say between all the other conversations.

I turned around to see Benny holding up two fingers signing me. When he noticed that he hold my gaze, he out his hands around his mouth.

"Good luck!" He yelled.

It would have sounded so hard and inappropriate, if it was still hurt the two of us. But because of all the noise around us I could just understand what he said.

"You too!" I yelled back.

He nodded to me. Then he turned back to a boy that sat next to him. It looked like the boy was impatiently waiting for him to listen as if he was interrupted mid-sentence.

I walked out of the room, immediately feeling the cold air again. But this time I didn't mind it as much.