The Boy With The Blank Stare: The Promise

Chapter Twenty Eight: Confusion

Ouma's POV:

It's hard to recieve a confession when the last one you got is from a dead girl.

And that persons cousin.

And if you don't even know if you like boys.

Yesterday was now the winner of one of the most stress filled days of my life. It was like some sort of dream, but I knew from the way I had to clean the sand out of some of my wheelchairs joints that it was anything but a dream.

Sand is evil though.

I asked Saihara to wait for me, and he promised he would but now I was wondering if that was selfish on my end. What if it turns out I couldn't or just didn't like Saihara in the way he wanted me to? What would I tell him then?

Or what if I never could stand myself, it would be unfair of him to have to take that extra burden.

I sighed and covered my face with my pillow, I could feel myself blushing still even from the memory...

I have time...I can figure this out...

One step at a time. First off do I even like boys? Do I even like girls? Do I like no one in particular or everyone?

Back when DICE was here with me I chose not to think of crushes or fleeting teen relationships because even then I just saw them as a bad idea. But now I really wish I had really taken that time to understand what or who I liked.

...

When I'm with Saihara I feel like as if for a moment I can breathe again. Like as if the world and all the horrible things in it can't touch me for just those moments.

I feel safe, and I laugh and I smile like when I was a kid again...when things were still as they always should have been.

Is that it though? Is Saihara just a protector to me? But Momota helped me as well, but I don't have that same warm feeling when I think of him even when he's been in my life much longer than Saihara has.

...

I don't think I liked Chiasa though. Not in the way she liked me, every time I think of her...she's like family to me. All of DICE was.

...

So if I never liked girls...and the only person I have ever liked is Saihara who is a guy....I guess I'm gay?

I felt like suffocating myself with my pillow, why do these things have to be so frustrating and confusing?

Stop wasting time on useless things. Have you forgotten already about what you're supposed to be doing?

Does DICE take the backseat now because you happen to have fallen for someone? How selfish can you be?

I paused and took a deep breath as I tried to calm down grabbing the nearby stress ball.

I'm in control.

My depression does not own me.

My anxiety does not own me.

I repeated to myself these phrases periodically, hoping that eventually I would believe those lies.

Finally I got up and quickly changed starting my daily leg excerices as I braced myself for the new day.

~-~-~

"Are we in the right place?" Saihara asked, I could smell fried food in the air and the smell almost made my mouth water.

'I don't know, I've never been here' I admitted.

...

"Wait what?" Saihara asked confused as I shrugged, 'Riko's parents used to work in a general store, but after we destroyed the place that one night and after Riko died the place shut down and thanks to insurance her parents got to open their restaurant.' I told him.

'I've never been here. I didn't think they would want to see me, DICE's parents in general. They've never approved of our group, well maybe Genkei's did but they didn't seem to care at all about what Genkei did so I'm not sure they count.' I admitted.

"Still want to go in and ask about Sanyu?" Saihara asked hesitantly. "I do" I assured him and myself as I took a deep breath as we entered.

I couldn't hear many people in the building which was probably a good thing as Saihara quietly talked to the person at the front.

"Party members?" A bored voice asked with a sigh, "we're actually here to talk to the owners" Saihara told him. He seemed to be anxious.

"Eh? Ok....MOM SOME WEIRD EMOS WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" He screamed as I could hear the clicks of heels against the floor.

*THWACK*

"Ow!" The person cried, "what I tell you about shouting in the restaurant eh? Didn't I teach you manners?" A womans voice scolded as a shiver went down my spine.

I could feel her glance over at me...

...

"Oh...it's you" she greeted. "It's good to see you"