𝙃𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙮 - 𝙅𝙪𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙯

cuarenta

bel: valerie !!
she hugs us

val: hey bella
I smile

bel: merry Christmas!
she smiles

val: merry Christmas bella
she lights up

she goes up to julian and hugs him following with a "merry Christmas" too. We got ice cream and sat down on the couch, julian on one side and bella being on the other. Since she wanted to be independent she had her own blanket, but julian being a full softie he wanted me to lay on him and kept on begging.

bel: just lay on him, he'll get butthurt if you don't
she says annoyed

val: yes ma'am

I take the blanket and go in between his legs laying right on top of his chest. I could hear his heart beating rapidly signifying he was nervous, I was scared that I was crushing him. But he could breathe just fine so I had nothing to worry about, the three of us decided on "The nightmare before Christmas" cause it was a good movie.

jul: are you comfortable?
he whispers

val: yeah, are you?
I whisper back concerned

jul: yeah just checking
he goes back to the movie

I keep looking at him... still wondering how this man can be so fine but look like an asshole sometimes but is the softest boy ever. Except when he gets mad, he turns into the hulk all of a sudden. It's like he's kept me grounded all this time...even though we've been talking for a little I've totally fallen harder than I was supposed to. I hope he feels the same because if not then it'd be probably a waste and all of it would have been for nothing and I would be so heartbroken. But we just confessed today so he does love me, he literally shows me his vulnerable side which I bet doesn't happen a lot. I feel appreciated

I smile to myself

I turn back to the movie, watching it while thinking about how lucky I am. I put my leg over his and nuzzle my head into his neck ... oh no am I being too vulnerable. No no you're not val this needs to happen, you can't keep your vulnerability hidden.

bel: I'm going to bed.. goodnight
she rubs her eyes and walks away

val: goodnight, brush your teeth too

jul: goodnight bella

I go back to where I was, out of nowhere I feel his heart rate start to speed up. I look up to see him already staring at me, his heart races even more than it did. I didn't know what he was thinking entirely but I think I could feel it, I hope he didn't think about me like that while his sister was here.

val: jul-
he kisses me

It quickly turned into a make out, as it went on it got heated. He felt up on my shirt but although it did feel right... it also didn't. I don't want to get too attached because I'm leaving, I promised I wouldn't be too attached to the point where we were banging.

I separate our lips, both of us were breathing heavily. My head was cloudy and my mind was full of thoughts that shouldn't be thought of.

val: julian I can't...
I try and catch my breath

jul: you don't wanna ?

I pull myself up and sit down on his lap, the words not coming out of my mouth. Did I really want this? was i finally ready to commit?

val: no... i want this.. but i dont know
I put my hands on his chest

jul: it's okay if you're not val
he brings my head down

I stay there and nuzzle myself into his neck again, tears slipping out. Why was I crying? Why now?

He wrapped his arm around my back and put the other on my head. Repeating the words I dreaded from everyone else... but from him they seemed to have a different meaning. Like if it was guaranteed to happen. All I could do was continue to breakdown and let all my emotions out, showing everything I was feeling. Repeating the same words...

jul: I'll never leave you valerie... I will love you till the day I die

The words I have never heard before... they were foreign at first. But when I digested them it only brought more sobs out, they were happy sobs. I was happy that I found my person.. my place. The thing I've always dreamt of having, with the person I least expected. I was at home.

𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐩 🕺 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭... 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭.