Polar Opposites

t h i r t y - t h r e e : n e w p e r s p e c t i v e

THIRTY-THREE: n e w  p e r s p e c t i v e

I had no idea what to feel; I felt as if I needed to see him, but at the same time I felt so angry. How could he have not told me? How could he have completely mislead me, even go as far as tell me he'd help me win over his brother.

"When did he say it?"

"Why did he leave then?"

"Have you said it back?"

"I thought you two weren't a couple... yet."

Their voices were overlapping and I wasn't sure that they had even stopped to take the time to breath yet. Thankfully they were interrupted when they heard the front door open and my parents step in.

We were all quiet as the two sets of footsteps aprouched us, I wasn't quite sure why we felt like children who just got caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar, but we were acting that way anyway. "Are you girls staying for dinner?" My mom asked peaking her head in the living room we were sitting in my father appeared seconds later.

"Yes please Mrs Morgan," Celia said and Ava nodded hastily. My parents seemed to pick up on the fact that we were in the middle of an important discussion and hurried off to the kitchen.

I turned my head in Ava's direction. "You remember that night I thought Finn had come over right before him and Celia got back together?"

"No!" Ava declared. "I just don't see how you could have missed it," she said with a shake of her head. She had been almost as involved in this as me and I knew she didn't understand how both of us had missed it. Yes she had joked about the possibility of it having been Austin but that was more to encourage me, she had never actually believed it.

"I'm so lost right now," Celia said with a shake of her head. A part of me felt guilty that I didn't plan on telling her about how I figured it all out. In the end, I decided that some doors are just better left closed.

I started to tell them what happened, feeling like a completely idiot;

"Hey Kristy." His introduction alone had me convinced that it couldn't have been Austin. He never called me that, especially then, but looking back on it he must have been kissing up.

I could picture him in my head his eyes were just a little too dark to be Finn's and were hidden behind the glasses I now knew were Austins. I don't know how I didn't realize that they weren't Finn's. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt which Finn would never have worn, and I was sure that on his shoulder hidden under that shirt would be his tattoo.

"We get it, you find him attractive, can we get to the rest of the story?" Ava asked interrupting my memory of the night.

"I was getting there," I shot back with narrowed eyes.

"No you weren't, you were too busy drooling," Celia laughed. I decided to continue with the story since it seemed pointless to argue when the two of them ganged up like that. I decided to skip over the fact that I had been singing into my hair brush.

Austin chuckled as he glanced around my messy room. Another sign I should have picked up on since Finn was a neat freak and had even assisted my mom on a few lectures about the importance of staying organized.

"Remind me again why you ever had a crush on him!" Ava said as she laughed at the idea of Finn standing next to my mom and scolding me.

"Wait, so you had a crush on Finn?" Celia asked. The room went silent Ava and I just stared at each other hoping that the couch would swallow us and remove us from the awkward situation. 

"Look Celia I'm sorry and I never acted on it," I told her. Yes, maybe I had thought about attempting to win him over, but did I? I never understood why people confessed to things they felt but didn't do, especially when those feelings were no longer relevant.

"It's okay, he wasn't the one for me, and he isn't the one for you either," she smiled at me reassuringly and I had a felting she had known all along. I remember when she had first confronted me about how she had thought I had a crush on Finn until she saw me with Austin. At the time I would never have thought that she would end up one of my best friends.

In typical Austin fashion he turned down the music because I swear he has super hearing.

I couldn't remeber the specifics after that until I finally asked; "what's up?" 

"We need to talk," his hand had been gripped tightly in his lap in an attempt to restrain himself from running his fingers through his hair, it was something I would only be able to pick up on now that I had so closely observed him for the past few months.

"About what?" I asked.

"Look Kristy I really like you I have for a long time," he said looking at me. I wanted to go back, but I know that the me that was sitting next to him isn't the same girl I am now. She would never want what I want because she hadn't lived through all the moments I had, but everything would have been so much easier.

"I know that's why we're friends," thinking about how oblivious I was made me cringe. I had wanted it to be Finn so badly that I convinced myself that was what was happening.

"Kristy I love you."

I was quiet for a minute, I didn't really want to think about what happened after that.

"And then?" Celia asked practically sitting in the edge of her seat. I realized that this was probably the first time she was hearing the story.

"He kissed me," I admitted. "And then I told him I loved him too, but then he found out I thought he was Finn and left." I said the second part quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. I couldn't imagine how upset Austin must have been. If I had been in his shapes I would have been furious, and frustrated... and sad.

"What are you going to do now?" Ava asked.

"Wait until he gets back," I said with a sigh. My parents called us for dinner and we all sat together talking about school and other things that felt unimportant at the moment.

^^^

That night I had been reading since I couldn't seem to fall asleep. There was a knock on the door. When I told whoever it was to come in I was surprised to see my mom.

I expected her to point out that my bedroom floor was littered with clothes and other things. Instead she walked over and sat next to me on my bed.

"Honey, you know I'm here for you right?" She asked. I nodded. "You've been a little distant lately and I tried to give you some space because I figured that was what you wanted. If you ever need to talk to anyone I'm always here, and I have some pretty good advice if I do say so myself."

"Thanks mom, I know," I told her. I hadn't really spent much time with either of my parents lately, I knew I should make more of an effort.

"Does this have anything to do with Austin going away?" She asked. I looked down at the ground and apparently that was answer enough. My mom pulled me into a tight hug. "I've watched that boy love you since you tumbled down that slide with him when you were 4, he'll come around," she promised.

I nodded hugging her back. It was nice to know that she was always going to be there. She didn't bother pointing out that I had been oblivious for 12 years, nor did she pry. She just held me together when my life started to feel like it was falling apart.

AN

Sorry it's probably my least favorite chapter, but happy mother's day! And if you couldn't tell until I finish the story, which is soon!!! (Three more parts) I'll just be updating Sunday's IYSM ♡