The girl with the tattoo ~ 𝕷𝖔𝖚𝖎𝖘 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖌𝖊

𝐿

"No funny business okay? I trust you two."

These were the last words of my brother before Lilly grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the apartment two days ago. They were spending a week at the house of Lillys mom so they would spend Christmas eve there and afterwards with us. Which left me in a pretty anxious state because obviously I never spend a week alone in a house with a boy who isn't related with me.

I am sure every girl would've jumped at the idea to spend a week alone with their boyfriend. Problem here is Louis isn't my boyfriend. And I know I'm a hypocrite because it was my decision. The words Louis told me two days ago were wonderful and I know what he means by saying that it would be weird to label this thing that we have because sometimes it feels like so much more than a stupid relationship.

We're both vulnerable and giving each other every part of our soul which makes me feel anxious because I never gave myself away fully but with him it feels natural to do so. That's  why the past few days were pretty relaxed even though I was anxious about it at first. It consisted of slow walks in the park through the snow, visiting small cafe's for lunch and just enjoying each others company.

Louis was very sweet and he never expected anything from me that would make me feel uncomfortable these last days. He'd never expect anything from me..besides holding my hand. I blush at the thought of his hand in mine as we walked hrough the streets of Paris.

The question is if everything was perfect these last days than why am I sitting on the floor beside the christmas tree in the living room chewing on my nails anxoiusly. The only thing heard in the apartment is the water spalshing in the bathtub a room away from me due to Louis taking a shower. We wanted to watch a movie tonight and I know there's no problem with it but me being me is making a big deal out of it.

The last two nights Louis spoke to his family over face time at nights and he slept in his room which was driving me crazy. It's weird to be alone in a house with someone who's so close to you but yore sleeping in different rooms. This isn't my fault I gave him enough hints that he can spend the nights in my room but either he didn't get it or he doesn't want to which makse me really self conscious.

Everytime I touch him he shys away and if I kiss him and finally get enough courage to deepen it he finds an excuse to stop or leave. Maybe I was right from the beginning and he got tired of me. I wouldn't blame him because I'm sure that Anna Benson or any other girl wouldn't have a problem with pleasing him they know what they're doing and I don't.

The sudden stop of rushing water makes my head snap up as I listen for movements of him. I gulp and my heart rate picks up as I get off the floor and rush into the kitchen. I start to pace forth and back and I don't even know what i was trying to do by rushing into the kitchen. The familiar sound of a lock opening and soft footsteps meet my ears while I listen to him walking into the living room.

Okay Melody you have to chill you're going to watch a movie with him nothing more and nothing less. But what if he wants more? He doesn't talk about this stuff to me and I don't know what his past experiences are.

"Melody?" he asks into the apartment and I hear him moving again I know he's going to find me I don't know what I'm doing this is so ridiculous.

"There you are." He steps into the doorframe clad in joggers and a brown hoodie, his hair wet from the shower he took. I can't imagine what I've must look like because his soft smile turns into a frown his eyes widening alarmed when he sees me standing in the middle of the kitchen. "What's wrong?" he hurriedly walks over to me and grabs my arms softly. My throat is so dry by all the panicking I've done today that I can't talk for a second.

"Hey, hey you have to breathe okay? Breathe with me Melody." He says and just now I'm realizing how fast my lungs are filling with air as I'm on the verge of  a panic attack. I try to slow down my breathing but it doesn't work. My eyes start to burn as they tear up and I try to focus on Louis face but my vison is blurred. I pull my arms out of his grasp and I hug my chest which is burning and feels like it's going to explode.