The Bars Between Us

49. Like Old Times

When the waitress leaves, the pause, and the distraction seems to have thawed the ice between us somewhat.

It'll just be like it was with Scott, I remind myself. Like old times.

I offer an olive branch and reach out first. "How are you doing?"

My mom takes the bait, as I had hoped, and begins to go into a full explanation of what's been happening with them. My dad just sits complacently beside her, nodding along when he needs to offer her reassurance he's still listening. The sight brings a small smile to my lips, the familiar sight reminding me that they are truly my parents in front of me, and not just a mirage or cruel trick.

My mom can get a bit excitable and as a result, she'll end up telling me everything I don't need to know and a few tidbits of the things I do, so I usually have to search through all of the stories for the ones that are most important to acknowledge.

Thus far, I've learned that my mom has become a bigger part of the local community, and church, which she's very proud of organizing different events, which is right in her element. If she's still the same, she likes to have control over something to make her feel like she has control over her life. Most of the time she does, but she just needs the reminder. My dad has decided to take up fishing, with no luck so far, but it's not the image of my father with a line and a big fish that shocks me, it's the fact that my dad has retired from his job as a teacher, after fifty years. My mom even mentioned a retirement party that was held, and ultimately turned down 'regretfully' by Roman, and it just made the guilt, and anger toward him, worsen. Not only, would I have really liked to have gone to that, my dad was beloved by the entire town, having taught multiple generations, including my own class, but it also hits home that my parents think I know all of this already because Roman has been fielding their calls. It's hard to think that my father would leave the job that he loved just as much as the kids he taught.

After my mom lets me know that my dad's retired, she grows quiet. I first think it to be due to my shocked expression on my face, but it soon becomes clear it's for another reason. A shared look later, I get an explanation.

"Pumpkin..." my dad starts slowly, "We called yesterday to let you know some news regarding my cancer, but..." Cancer? My whole world rocks and tilts to the side, and I cling on to the table in front of me, scared if I let go, I'll fall into the cavernous pit below.

"Sweetie?" my mom asks, placing her hand on mine.

"Cancer?" I stammer. The shock that goes across my parents' face tells me all I need to know. They told Roman, but he didn't tell me. The asshole.

"Did Roman not tell you, I know he thought we should tell you, today the news of it worsening, but I thought when your dad retired that..." my mom trails off, looking to my dad for aid. Worsening? It's like the blow of finding out has been followed by even more, ten times over. It explains everything, my dad would have never retired this early if there wasn't a reason.

The waitress comes back at this point with my food, and the table is silent as she places the plates down, although my mom is studying my expression. When the waitress finally leaves, my mom picks up her fork, eating as if my world isn't crumbling right now. My dad follows suit, and I can't help but stare at the food in front of me.

My mom is talking to me, I can hear her voice in the distance, but the words elude me. I try to regain some semblance of normality and begin to pick at my food but it tastes bland and feels like sawdust in my mouth. My lip starts to quiver, and I can't stop it. The thought of having possibly lost my dad without knowing has been going through my mind ever since finding out - would Roman have told me? He didn't tell me this, and this is important. I don't want to lose my dad, the one who was always there for me growing up, and who never abandoned me or left me to fend for myself. He was protective of me, but sitting here, I'm fiercely protective of him. I want to make this all better and I can't. I can't stop the tears from coming out of me in sobs, either.

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