Oneshot Collection

Deep Breathing: Fitam

Weekly oneshot here we go! (Only... two days late)

Again, ignore the title. It's late. I don't feel like actually thinking-

Fitam this week!

Tam hated any sign of weakness.

Weakness wasn't allowed, and Tam detested witnessing in its debilitating glory. From his friends, his relatives, his superiors... but mostly from himself.

He had to be the best. Failure was never an option.

It hadn't been back then, and it certainly wasn't allowed now.

But when he did fail (after all, he wasn't perfect) he had to make sure no one knew it bothered him.

Because as much as Tam loathed any mistakes he made, he couldn't stand any weakness at all. Especially not from himself.

So when his armor cracked and his anger refused to rear its head, Tam pretended it was there until he almost convinced himself it was. Until it might as well have been, because for all anyone else knew, it was.

Tam knew his largest weakness, however.

Linh.

He'd do anything for her, and it was pretty easy to figure out. All of Tam's enemies wouldn't target him. They'd go after her.

And even though Linh was plenty powerful, and she fought them off again and again and again, Tam could feel his wall breaking down with each strike. Each hammer, each battle, each failure.

Soon, it would collapse entirely, and Tam wasn't sure he could hold on much longer.

...

Tam pushed his legs faster. Faster and faster and faster, until they were a blur. His toes dug into the ground as he sprinted across the field, breath ragged in his chest.

"Slow down!" Fitz called from behind him, the telepath's breath coming in gasps.

Tam slowed, but only slightly. He didn't spare a glance behind him, focusing on the slight resistance of the wind pushing against his skin and the way his heels thumped the earth as he ran.

Finally, he reached the end of the meadow. His eyes teared in the wind, and he swiped them away harshly, walking in a small circle to cool down as he waited for Fitz to catch up.

The telepath was by no means out of shape. He ran a lot, as Tam well knew, and he made sure to push himself whenever he could.

But Tam couldn't allow Fitz to be faster.

He was a bad person, the shade knew. Because he could never allow himself to be surpassed or even matched, and even his friends (how peculiar the word still sounded, unfamiliar) couldn't be better than he was.

So when Fitz finally caught up, Tam couldn't suppress the twinge of victory that flashed through him.

Even such a small win sent a wave of assuredness through his body. The certainty that even though he'd always been told he was lesser, he could be strong.

Better than Fitz Vacker, even.

Tam pushed the thought away as soon as it crossed his mind, guilty that he was taking pleasure in his friend's defeat. Especially since Fitz's eyebrows were scrunched and his mouth was turned into a scowl.

But even as Tam watched, the telepath's mouth transformed into a grin, his eyes lightened, and his face held a sense of comfort.

"Good job, Tam." Fitz clapped him on the shoulder as they sat down on one of the many benches that lined the field. Both of them were breathing hard from the exertion. "I had no idea you were such a good runner."