Oneshot Collection

Scattered Tears, Fallen Flowers: FedEx

'I'm gonna focus on my fanfic,' I said. 'I'm not gonna write any more oneshots for now,' I said.

Well.

n e v e r m i n d

FedEx death oneshot because I am Like That

TW: angst, d//th, gr/ef, guilt, self-blame, self-sacrifice, tell me if I should add more!

The flowers were useless.

Fitz clenched them tighter in his fist, tighter, tighter, until the stems snapped in his clumsy, destructive, disastrous hands.

He forced his fingers to open, watching the petals and ruined leaves scatter over the ground in front of his grave.

Useless.

Worthless.

He was useless, anyway.

"Sorry for ruining your flowers, Dex," he said abruptly. "I know you really would have enjoyed them."

He piled on the sarcasm thick.

A surge of sickness leapt in his stomach, and his lips trembled with the effort of keeping them in. Words, tears, screams, cries, pleas, all of it echoed in his head.

But he kept it inside, even though his body shook with the effort.

Until his will collapsed, and he sat down next to Dex's grave, hard. The impact vibrated through him, and he gritted his teeth.

"They told me I should talk to you," Fitz said quickly. "But I don't see the point. It's not like you'll talk back. You won't-"

A tear splattered onto Dex's headstone, and Fitz quickly scrubbed the evidence of it from his cheek, blinking hard.

"You won't ever talk to me again, you- you big, selfless, idiot."

Another tear. This one landed on Fitz's knee, soaking into his pants as he braced his elbows on his knees.

"Why'd you have to do that, Dex? Sacrificed yourself for what?"

It was a waste. All of it.

Dex's death, Fitz's worthless, useless hands that hadn't been able to keep the blood in his friend's body.

The stems he'd snapped with those same bloody hands.

"For me, that's why you did it. That's what you told me. Idiot."

He couldn't breathe.

"For me, Dex. You died for me. And I couldn't save you."

Breathe, breathe, breathe, Dex was not breathing. He was buried under all that soil, too much, filling his nose and mouth and choking him and "Why the hell did you do that, Dex?"

Another tear, and another and another until they fell in rapid succession onto the soil, little patters like rain. Indeed, there were clouds filling Fitz's head. Black storms with swirls of gray, muddying his thoughts and quickening his breaths in flashes of lightning.

"They told me I should speak to you," Fitz repeated. "They told me it would help. But who's gonna help you, Dex? I tried to help you. I couldn't do it. Couldn't keep you safe."

Thunder crackled, and Fitz wasn't sure whether or not it was real. His next words emerged as a whisper, like a breeze over his consciousness.

"I shouldn't be helped, shouldn't be healed. Not when you will never be. Not when I'm the reason you have a gravestone."

Guilt was dangerous, but Fitz didn't care about himself anymore.

"It's my fault. My fault you're dead. I was too useless to-"

His fists clenched again, nails digging into skin. There were petals scattered over the ground, from the worthless flowers he'd brought even though Dex would never see them.

"I couldn't save you, Dex," he murmured through clenched teeth, the tears scattering across those fallen petals. "I'm sorry."

lol