Oneshot Collection

Rivers Of Regret: Solinh

The memories trickle through her fingers like water droplets, a river of regrets spilling through her hands.

Sophie clenches her fists. Over and over again, as if the pain of her nails digging into her skin will stop the thoughts from tumbling through her mind.

Again and again, she sees her.

She sees the dark hair, dyed silver at the tips. She sees silvery blue eyes, short nails painted white, pink lips turned down at the corners.

She hears her, too. Hears her echoes, feels her remnants every time she sees a cloud or the curl of a flower petal lying on the ground, soft and rotting.

("look!" Linh would have said, a delighted light in her eyes as she points to the colors in the sky. "the sunset is beautiful tonight, isn't it? like magic!")

Sophie closes her eyes.

She wants to forget. Forget what Linh meant to her, forget what they'd become, forget what had been screamed that night, forget the sound of that door slamming shut.

But her stupid photographic memory recorded every moment.

Little snapshots in time of Linh, of them together and happy and laughing and exchanging kisses in the starlight.

Click, and Linh is feeding her chocolate-covered strawberries.

Click, and she's braiding Linh's hair, the smooth strands sliding easily through her fingers.

Click, and then Linh smiling mischievously as she pulls her by the hand into her apartment, the door clicking shut behind them.

Click, and Linh is crying, and Sophie can't comfort her because this is her fault and she can't take her words back.

Click, and Linh's limit is reached.

Click, and the door is shut and she is gone.

Click, and Sophie slides down to the floor, resting her head against the door. Linh doesn't come back.

Tears are falling down her cheeks, and Sophie groans in frustration. 

Why can't she forget? Get over it? Shove Linh out of her mind and go on with her life?

No, Sophie couldn't. She wanted to. More than anything, she wanted to forget.

But Linh is in her head, little snippets of her appearing every time Sophie blinks. She hears her voice in the chirping of birds, smells her perfume on the couch cushions, sees the glimmer of her silver hair, tastes her lipgloss that she would always get on her lips after they kissed.

Dammit.

She scrubs the tears from her cheeks.

No wonder she left. No wonder she'd said what she said.

("Who could even love you? look at you.")

She doesn't like what she sees. And neither had Linh.

("i love you," she'd said, brimming with nerves and hope and everything she'd wanted to say for too long)

If her mind could just be quiet, and stop coming back to the same moment over and over again, running those words over and over...

(and Linh had hesitated, and that was the moment everything had fallen apart)

A deep breath, one after the other. Just like she had that night.

Her breaths used to meld with Linh's as they lay wrapped up in each other on the couch, Sophie's hand trailing through Linh's hair.

("i don't..." Linh had started, then stopped. something in her eyes flashed, and Sophie saw the storm that was coming.)

Something in her just... keeps coming back to it. As if there is something to be salvaged or fixed. As if torturing herself with regrets will bring her back. Bring back that warm spot on the couch, bring back a smile at the sight of something perfectly mundane.

Who could even love you? Look at you!

Just look at yourself. What could be worth loving?

And maybe that's why Sophie can't get the words out of her head.

Because Linh is right.

Who could ever love her?

Who would want to love her?

But that was something Sophie wishes she didn't remember. Something she's trying to forget.

So instead, she wipes away the last of her tears, standing from where she sits on her blue carpet that they'd picked out together.

And she gathers up the memories that pooled in the cracks in the floorboards, scoops the remnants that soaked into the couch cushions, and opens her window.

And she drops her arms, and watches it all float away.

...At least no one died.

I'm RUNNING OUT OF TITLES. They're all starting to sound the same 😭